VBB 396 Lexi Gilbert: A Neurodivergent Superwoman Role Model!

0:00 Virgin. Beauty. Bitch. Podcast. Inspiring women to overcome social stereotypes and share unique life experiences without fear of being defiantly different. Your hosts. Christopher and Heather. Let's talk, shall we? Superwoman. She is real. You might know one. The multitasking force multiplier, relentlessly driven and awe inspiring. You might even be one yourself, but if not, it's our privilege to introduce you to business owner. HR leader, neurodivergent professional, AI architect and advisor Lexi Gilbert.

0:45 Welcome Lexi to Virgin Beauty Bitch. Well, thanks, Christopher. You humbled me with that intro. But thank you so much. No, I'm not. No, Lexi, I hope you don't mind those superwoman reference. It's not meant to trivialize a very serious topic, which is neurodivergence, but your accomplishments are simply superior, even at a glance. And you may even out super superwoman because you've managed to turn what was your kryptonite into your driving force. Can you give us a little context on your understanding of neurodivergence and how it has played a role in where you are today? Wow.

1:26 So I'm going to be a little controversial here. Neurodivergence, obviously, it's more prevalent now because of the misdiagnosed and underdiagnosed women, specifically in my age group. However, with my final diagnosis, I mean, I struggle my whole life, no different than any other neurodivergent trying to figure out what was different about them. But I have a different perspective. So I'm actually grateful I was not diagnosed until this time. And I'll tell you why. If I had been diagnosed early on, perhaps I wouldn't have had my journey.

2:07 Perhaps I would have not accomplished all of the things I've accomplished because what I had to do because I knew I was different. I knew my mind thought different. I knew I operated different. I have real struggles. I actually was able to build systems like prior to AI, you know, in my own life to kind of compensate for those deficits I had in secret because when I started to begin to talk about my challenges and stuff, I was misunderstood or thought I was odd or weird or whatever. And I knew I was different from a very, very young age, like the age of seven. I felt like I was like older than I was. And I could see things and I could understand things really quickly and I could build things really quickly in my mind, very creative.

2:54 And so, but I struggled in school. I struggled with academics and I struggled in other areas of my life, you know, and fast forward to now I look back. And when I was diagnosed, yes, I grieved. I grieved for the woman I may have been. I grieved for the mother I may have been. I grieved for the teenager or the young girl I was that may have been different. And then I snapped out of it about three days after and I looked back and I thought to myself, you know, despite all the struggles and despite the challenges and despite the bullying, despite all of that, I am grateful because I am able to build things and create things very quickly.

3:37 So I am hoping that other women who have been misdiagnosed can look back and look at it in that perspective because had I been diagnosed younger, I may have been put on medication that would have declined my creativity. I may have gone down the route of poor me, you know, because it is considered a disability. I don't consider it a disability. I just take it as it is. It is how I function. No different than, you know, somebody who maybe perhaps can't draw as well as I do or we just operate differently, right? So that's my perspective. And when you say superwoman, I have heard that before.

4:20 I have been branded, you know, Wonder Woman, superwoman because people couldn't understand how I could achieve what I could achieve. Now mind you, Christopher, I am a high school droppo. I am a runaway at 16, I dropped out of high school at after grade 10, right? And I struggled my whole life being accepted and I was always underestimated. But I always came out on top because my superpower, so to speak, is hyperfocus. And I have trained myself to make sure that I compensate for what my deficits are so that I can utilize what I good at and excel in that.

5:01 And with today's day and age, I'm able to do that with AI. So AI helps me with that now. How were you able to make the differentiation, like, to actually make this into a positive as opposed to sliding down that very slippery slope? Well, I have to tell you, I didn't come up from a very good upbringing, you know. I came from a broken family, my father left when I was 11 and it took me 20 years to find him. So he disappeared out of our lives, literally. You know, it was raised by a single mom. Household was not the most pleasant, to be honest. And a lot of those struggles made me stronger.

5:46 And so when I looked back, you know, I went through that part where I was like, oh my god, I had a terrible childhood and, you know, cornered me and stuff through my pre-teens, pre-teens, teens, and then early in my 20s and then something snapped. And I thought, you know what? I was able to run away at the age of 16 and build a life. You know, I never went back home. I never lived with anybody. Like I just, I was able to survive. And quietly I would just do things on my own accord, right? And I learned very quickly who to trust and who not to trust. And with that, when this came about and don't get me wrong because when menopause hit, my neurodiversions got worse.

6:31 I actually thought I was going crazy and I thought I was getting Alzheimer's. Like it was getting bad. But I didn't know, right? I didn't know what was going on until I got my diagnosis. So when I decided, I thought I have a choice. I can sit here and do the poor me thing and say to myself, oh, you know, this is terrible. I can't operate. Like, you know, what's wrong with me? You know, this is not good. People are going to judge me and everything. And I thought, you know, what's a heck with that? Because in my career, in my HR career specifically, and I've worked across nine different industries through my journey.

7:11 I witnessed a lot of things in boardrooms and behind the scenes that I tried to change and I couldn't. And I thought, this is my opportunity now. I can change it from the outside, opposed to the inside because I've seen the inside. And then I just turned into a positive, I thought, you know what? I am not going to hide this. I am going to speak about this publicly. I'm going to own it. And I'm going to help change the narrative for professional women who are struggling with this, who may not even know, or perhaps have been diagnosed and teach organizations and individuals to find the value in that.

7:53 A younger version of someone like you who is struggling with identifying what it is that makes them so different. What can you say or what can be said to put them on the right track to find their way? You know, we live in an age right now that there are so many different opportunities. And unfortunately, we have the negative aspect, right? And it may sound cliché, but keep your head down and just keep pushing and surround yourself by those people who inspire you and make you better. And the trick is always make yourself in circles that some of these are a couple of steps ahead of you so that you can be inspired and mentored.

8:35 I was very fortunate that I had the foresight to just keep going. Don't get me wrong. I've had some pretty bad challenges and pretty bad experiences in my life, but those experiences taught me what to look for, what to be careful about, who to trust, not to trust. So if I were talking to my younger self, I think I would say, you know, you're different, but different is good. Utilize that because you're purpose in life. And I truly believe this and I was asked, you know, the why of my life. And is we have a moral obligation to change the lives in those people we can help and we can serve.

9:22 And your journey, your career, your experiences all has value and somebody out there can benefit from that. And that's what I would say. I would say, take what you have learned from your own experiences and put a value on it to pass on to somebody else. That's your mission, is it not? Yes, it is. It is. My mission is to change the narrative number one for neurodivergent professional women, and number two is to make sure that people understand their value. And with AI on the horizon now and just spreading across really, really quickly, there's a lot of negative context with AI.

10:06 And in 2023 when I started to, you know, come across this and I'm like, oh, what am I going to do? Like I was 55 going on 55 and I'm like, oh my gosh. You know, this is going to ruin me if I don't think because I was not techie. I was like, you know, and I had that fear. And so I said, no, I'm going to get down to the bottom of it. I'm going to learn. I'm going to study. I'm going to figure this out because I have no choice. That's basically what I told myself. I have no choice. So I did. And for the last three years, I dove into it and I realized that AI is a tool that we can use for advantage. And so what I teach people in organizations is to unbury that skill set that is within their organization.

10:53 Absolutely. Use AI, you know, to get rid of the mundane tasks. But look at these individuals and say, wow, you know, that accountant that's been stuck under paperwork for 20 years actually has some entrepreneurial business smarts like we could use him in sales or promotions or whatever and move them around individually. If you're an entrepreneur or founder, maybe you're, you know, you've been working at a career for 15, 20 years and all of a sudden, you know, most of your job is disappearing because of AI. Well, where's your value? You know, we walk around with titles, you know, manager of this and supervisor of that. There is value to your journey, whether you're volunteer, do you went through challenges, your career, maybe that four or five careers.

11:39 And my job is to help those bring that value to surface, use AI to their advantage and use AI the right way, right? We don't have enough education on that. And I think it's important. How does that message land? I mean, there's a lot of fear and ignorance with things that are advancing that we believe is going to diminish our value. How does that message land when you deliver it? You know, I tend to like, I see it all because I have my thumb on the pulse obviously because my job is to make sure I'm atop of it and because my clients expect me to be.

12:21 So with the negativity, I mean, there's always fear of mongering all over. Right? You got the news. You've got gurus saying this or that. And the truth is, is very small percentage. Like it's inflated, right? And when you look at those who are actually utilizing AI is very small to the advantage. And a lot of people got on the bandwagon, started to automate things too quickly without understanding AI and then now their budgets are blowing out and all of that kind of stuff. But in order to grasp what's happening, it's no different than any other technology.

13:01 Well, I'm going to get questioned on that, but it is different. It's faster, it's different that way. But when you look at the internet, when the internet started, there's all kinds of controversy about the internet. We still have bad things about the internet. We still have the dark web. We still have issues with the internet. It's going to be no different with AI. And we have to understand that AI is not going anywhere. So you're either going to have to embrace it in your own context, use it to your advantage and then just understand that you got to keep your attention to what's happening around you. But AI can help you exceed and it can help you replace the job that you have and go into another job.

13:47 Now, I've spent the last three years deep into AI. So obviously I know a lot more than the average person at this point. And a lot of the people are never going to do what I've done and I understand that. But my job is to teach him how to utilize it correctly and not to fear it, which will embrace it because reality is ain't going anywhere. I think that's probably the major advantage. You never look at anything or it doesn't seem like you look at anything like this is going to stop me or this is a disadvantage. If I get over this, I'll be better. I think that's... That's absolutely... That is a superpower right there.

14:30 It's... I'm human. There are moments that I went through this and I went, "Oh my gosh, how am I ever like this is I can't?" And then I'm like, "No, I have to." Right? So... But there's not going to be a lot of engages at my level at this point. And unfortunately social media is just plastered with AI technology and then you've got the people who are misusing it and stuff like that. So I like to think of it as focus on your own goals. Learn what you're dealing with. Read the fine print. Understand how this technology is working and find somebody to mentor you how to do it the right way.

15:13 And how to make it... Make you have a superpower, so to speak. I spent months on fine tuning my operating systems and when you use AI generally, you've got to remember the data said it was trained on, right? It wasn't trained on your experience. It doesn't have your discernment, your wisdom, your knowledge. So you have to get to a point where you are training your AI to understand who you are so that when you are using it, it's going to output proper things and then you have to make sure you are accountable for the outputs and making sure you validate the facts and stuff, right? Just don't put it out there. I don't trust AI.

15:55 You know, I'm always double checking. I'm always challenging it for the resources and giving me the links to the resources. And as deep as the work that I do with it and I build operating systems, I still don't trust everything that it outputs, right? I'm always double checking. So... I was curious, as a woman in all of the industries that you have been attached to, what is... are there differences that you can concretely say in how we treat men and women in professional circumstances and what that might look like? Oh boy, you've opened...

16:36 You've opened a can of words there. Oh, yes, there is. So a couple of my experiences was in aerospace and they never had an HR. So I was brought into the HR department and I was working amongst mechanics, aerospace mechanics and special technicians and stuff like that. I was not accepted at all, right? But that just goes with HR. As soon as you say HR, you know, you're like, it doesn't matter who you are, you're just disliked automatically. But I got tough skin, you know? And it took me several months to get the buy-in and make them understand how HR worked and so forth.

17:20 Is there a difference, yes, because I can tell you from being a female entrepreneur. You know, I started my first business of 21. When I got into franchise, I was 29 with a two-year-old. I was a single mom and I started negotiating and no banks would give me money. No banks believed in me. Nobody believed in me, you know? And I had to negotiate with a gentleman for a lease for my first location and it was quite the challenge because I was always underestimated, right? And back then, because my mind worked so fast, sometimes I speak faster than I can comprehend what's happening, I'm better now than I was back then.

18:06 So we are treated at a level that, you know, we shouldn't be in that space or how are they going to comprehend lease holds and, you know, construction and how are they going to manage all of the guy staff, right, opposed to the women staff, whatever that is. And, you know, in business, I'm like, okay, so it was quite the challenge, but I finally was able to negotiate and I got a piece of the building and, you know, the lease holds were built for that segment and everything and I proved them wrong, you know, over and over. And I can, the, what are the best moments of my life back then, because at that time I was 31 and I was out on the street and one of the bank managers walked by me.

18:55 Who didn't believe in me and didn't want to give me a loan because I started my business with nothing at a credit card with 17,000 on it, that's all I had. And me and my son were sleeping on the floor on a mattress and on the apartment. So I, he came by and he said, oh, you know, if you are looking for financing, I'd be more than happy. And this is like after I'm successful, right? And he goes to hand me his card and I'm like, no, you weren't there for when I started and I can fund myself now. Thank you. You know, and that was one of my most pride moments, but there's definitely still a stigma. They don't get me wrong. There are a lot of men that accept women in business.

19:36 Don't get me wrong. But there are moments where you walk into a room, whether it's a boardroom, an executive level situation, you are looked differently, you are respected differently, you are talked to differently. You can see it, you know, the conversation between two executive men and then they come to talk to you and it's completely, it's downplayed. And you're like, why? Right? So, underestimation is one of the biggest things there. So over the year, Heather and I have called 2026, the year of the bitch and we have broken the word down into a self-improvement and personal growth opportunity that revolves around betrayal, which is some of what you're talking about here.

20:27 It just says a woman, you're betrayed and you learn to betray yourself because that's the only way you can actually make events for yourself. Identity, trust, change and healing. Yes. And the full gamut there and I think you probably identify with each one of those in your journey to where you are. Oh yes. Is there anyone you want to speak of as that was a mighty challenge, even coming to know your own identity in your divergence, that must have been a challenge in its own right. Yes.

21:08 So, when you speak of challenges, it's interesting to me because I'm very self-reflective and I'm very, you know, intuitive and I can look across the room and I can, I can take people very quickly and what stage of life they are, what struggles are going to. That's just an ability I've always had and people tend to tell me their life story. So it's one of those things and I end up helping them heal and that's how I came to starting optimizer because women are always reaching out to me to get advice or assistance in their business. So yes, I identify with the bitch, you know, the thing because women, number one, are emotional.

21:56 Right? We're a nurturers, we're emotional, we tie into our emotions, we're men, ten, not two. So if we are emotional or passionate, you know, I'd like to say we are more passionate than emotional, then we are written off as, you know, unstable, unreliable, you know, she can't handle this when all we are is trying to communicate what we see and how we see it. With neurodiversions, there's a real thing called RSD and I learned about this like about a month after my diagnosis and it explained my whole life because I'm very, very sensitive and I can tune in to emotion very quickly but I'm very passionate and you add menopause and be in an aries to that.

22:43 Woo, then you got an explosion. So I can be very, very fierce, right? And I can be very blunt and I'm very steadfast in business and a lot of people can't handle that. And I get tagged as bitch or, you know, we can't, you know, she doesn't, whatever. But I'm very straight to the point, I don't beat around the bush and I had to be that way because when you're dealing with a situation where you're amongst mostly men and you're an entrepreneur as a woman, especially a younger woman, I mean, now I still have some struggle but not as much as I did when I was younger, you have to be a bitch in a nice way, right?

23:23 You have to stand up for yourself like you do, like you have to say the thing that nobody else wants to hear, you have to show your presence and not take any bullshit. Really, right? And if you are passive and you're a woman in business, there will be struggles, right? And people will walk over you. And I'm not saying go out there and, you know, just be a literal bitch. I'm just saying, you know, be a bitch privately so that, you know, you've got some boundaries and you've got some know how to and thick skin to say what needs to be said when it needs to be said and don't be scared to say it. Because if you say something that needed to be said and those people eventually leave your journey, they weren't meant for your journey.

24:11 And it took me a couple decades to figure that out. And now I'm grateful because there's plenty of people that have left my journey because I was so called, you know, being forceful or being a bitch in business that benefited me from them leaving. Because if they're not prepared for the truth or prepared for what your thoughts are, then you don't need to explain yourself, right? I no longer apologize for who I am or why I do what I do. I no longer apologize for being right or preferring something a certain way. I stop that and I think women apologize too much.

24:52 Let's see, you speak our language. You really speak our language. The reason that we are investigating and going so deeply into that word is for exactly the reason you've just illustrated is that you are expected socially to be a certain way than you're punished for wanting what it is that you actually desire to have as a human being. And that is that needs to be brought to the surface. Women need to understand the difference between those two things and bitch covers both, but it doesn't make you something lesser than or not as valued.

25:37 No. You don't really speak our language. It's not easy being a bitch. There are times where I go, "Oh my God, I should have never said that." Or, "Oh, so I should have said that a different way." Then there are times where I'm like, "Well, it is what it is." I spent too much of my life being the pushover, being the girl that would say, "Yes, all the time," and stuff. I believe we have several personas. I could go into an executive boardroom and be very professional and steadfast and know what I'm talking about.

26:21 And then within a half an hour, I can strip down to a pair of jeans and hiking boots and swear like a trucker in the mountains. So, we've got different personas. They talk about masking with neurodivergence. I really think everybody does that. I don't think it's just people who are neurodivergent. Yes, we do a little bit more than normal, but I think we all wear masks. And I think we all have several personas. When people come to you and say, "Oh, well, you're different. You're not like you used to be. You've changed." Well, that's what we're supposed to do.

27:03 Like, hello. We're supposed to change. I don't want to be the same person I was 10 years ago. Right? I'm not even the same person I was two years ago, Christopher. And I'm happy about that. You've got to be who you've got to be. You will see me on social media where I'm very professional and then you will also get moments like this. But that's who I am. We are dynamic humans and we shouldn't apologize for that. That's beautiful. That is absolutely spot on beautiful. Thank you for that. Tell me about your starting a new, well, I don't know how new it is, your new project, your magazine.

27:50 Tell me about that. Yes. That sounds fabulous. Is that how I tell you about it? So it has evolved naturally. It was not my plan. So I have my business. Everything's going well. I get diagnosed for neurodivergence. I do a lot of soul searching. I do a lot of research because that's just what I do. And I realized that I'm going to be 58. And I thought I'm not living the next chapter of my life, not changing the way people view neurodivergence.

28:30 My whole freaking life I suffered under not knowing, right? And I'm in groups and stuff and I'm watching all this narrative around it and people are like, you know, so depressed that they were diagnosed and everything. And then you get the professional realm. Now let me tell you, like I've been in a lot of professional circles and you named somebody who has any sort of mental diversity. And it's like looked upon like, oh, you know, like don't go near them. There's something wrong, right? And I look at it as, no, this is like, we have radiant minds. And so when my soul searching, I decided to start the magazine.

29:13 I'm working with a publisher. And it's going to branch out to not only the magazine, but I'm going to have a podcast and a community. And it's for professional women because the stigma is so strong in the professional circles. We don't talk about it, right? Yes, on the mainstream, like you see it all the time, you know, and especially ADHD is a like a mainstream topic right now. You know, if you do anything that's different, oh, you have ADHD. Well, no, not everybody has ADHD. It's kind of like when OCD, remember like, everybody's like, oh, you have OCD. So I decided to start the magazine.

29:55 And I'll tell you a story. When I started to do my social media, the first name of my magazine was blocked because it violated the standards. And I'll tell you what it was. It was called, she's wired different. And I wasn't allowed to have those handles because apparently it was discriminatory or something, it violated something. I'm like, what? Because there's all kinds of stuff about wired different or whatever. And I thought, hmm, this is interesting. So I thought, well, maybe it is. Like, I don't know. So I said, well, the heck with that. So I went deep inside and I thought, how do I want this magazine represented? And I wanted it represented to celebrate the mind.

30:39 So I went back to the old language Sanskrit as our first single language. And I created the word to harmonis. And it combines, no, man, this means radiance in mind and consciousness. And ta is like beautiful brilliance and all that stuff. So I combine that word. So the magazine is called Taham Honis and it's the celebration of the radiant mind. Absolutely gorgeous. Absolutely gorgeous. What if I'm listening to you now as a woman and I want to connect to this, is there a way for me to do that now?

31:20 Yeah, you can simply reach out to my website, lexigilbert.com, lexigilbert.com, and you will see Taham Honis in the search field up at top as well as the other things that I offer. I do offer a lot of free resources as well. Tremendous. You are a, it's the word I'm looking for. You know what you are? You are a resource yourself. In the example that your life has been, what you've overcome, what you've made of it, and now you're doing to help others through their journey, their challenges as well.

32:03 You are a resource and I appreciate. Wow. I appreciate that is what you have become and you are so glowing with it. It's beautiful. I, I don't take any shit anymore and I actually have an analogy book coming out in November called She Cut the Bullship and I have two other publications of my own doing coming out in February. So I talk about ADHD, I talk about all kinds of stuff. So you'll see the different versions of me coming out in those publications. Well, some of them, you see a little bit of the, you know, a little bit of the bitch, a little bit of the professional woman and a little bit of mixture of both.

32:48 I can't wait for those. So that's coming out in the new year? Yeah, in the new year, I have two books coming out. One is called Work Changed Human Value, didn't. The other one is ADHD, what the fuck? And my analogy with other women is called She Cut the Bullshit and that talks about my story and I'll give a little cliffhanger coming up this December, December 20th, 2024, Christopher I was homeless and I have rebuilt my life to today. And that book is going to reveal a snippet of that story.

33:29 Again, a resource, a true resource. Yeah. Lexi, this is better. No matter where you are. Yeah, yes. Lexi, this has been tremendous to connect to you and with the new books coming out, we have definitely reason to reconnect in the future. I can't wait. Right. So thank you for doing this. Really appreciate you. Oh, well, thank you for having me get on this platform so that I can reach more people. You know, not just women, men too. And because I work with both and I'm grateful for that opportunity that my voice will get out there further.

34:13 Fabulous. And you have been listening to the Virgin, the Beauty and the Bitch. Find us like us. Share us. Tell us which you get out of this conversation. We'd love to hear from you. To become a partner in the VBB community, we invite you to find us at virginbeautybitch.com. Like us on Facebook, Instagram and LinkedIn. And share us with people who are defiantly different. Like you. Until next time, thanks for listening. [Music]