VBB 395 Lauren Florek: What Heartbreak Can Reveal!

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Virgin.

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Beauty.

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Bitch.

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Podcast.

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Inspiring women to overcome social stereotypes and share unique life experiences without fear

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of being defiantly different.

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Your hosts.

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Christopher and Heather.

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Let's talk, shall we?

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It is the lover's lament.

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The breakup that feels like Groundhog Day.

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Not if you know what I'm talking about, right?

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But if you're ready to end that cycle of heartbreak without meaning, well, let's introduce

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you to author, coach, speaker, student of the human experience and founder of New Mindset

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Foundation, Lauren Florek.

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Welcome Lauren to Virgin Beauty Bitch.

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Hi, thank you so much for having me.

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I'm absolutely so thrilled to be here.

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This is going to be so much fun.

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I agree.

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I agree.

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So Lauren, like the bittersweetness of lost love, it's a universal experience, but you

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learn to take that bitter experience and turn it into making lemonade, which is the title

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of your new book.

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I won't ask for the secret ingredients right off the top, but maybe some background on

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how writing this book became your calling.

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Yeah, well, I think it was just stories that have always been inside of me.

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And at one point last year, I just sat down and I thought, I'm just going to get it out.

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And it was just really meant to be a cathartic writing session and it turned into a chapter.

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And then it turned into two.

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And then I moved that chapter and had to fill in what was been in between it.

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And so it became now three chapters.

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And I thought, maybe this is something here.

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And I gave them to my mom and to one of my really dear friends.

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And they said, I totally relate.

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I totally get this.

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And I was like, okay, maybe it's not just the three of us then.

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And the more I wrote and the more I shared with friends and other women and friends of my

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mom and different generations, there was this through line of, yeah, I get it.

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We've all had these experiences that feel so incredibly personal, yet we can all relate

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to them universally.

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And I thought, maybe that wasn't my intention of what I do because what I do for a living is

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I talk to executives about how to repair relationships.

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But maybe this is something different that my soul has kind of come here to speak on that

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I wasn't really expecting.

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So in that way, it's a surprise to us both Christopher.

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But I mean, what's remarkable is we all suffer pain in some form.

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And a lot of, most of us will be through relationships.

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Things will end.

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Yeah.

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However, we don't necessarily turn that into the treasures that you have found in these

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really, really hard experiences.

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What do you think is about you or happened to you that made you turn that pain into something

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worth to value?

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Yeah.

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Well, I look at it two ways.

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I can either wallow, which I've done, and that didn't feel great, or I can decide to

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do something about it.

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And when I was a child, my parents divorced when I was really young.

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And I was raised equally by both of them.

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And very different kind of settings.

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My mom was a single parent.

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She wasn't quite making ends meet.

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My dad was on the other side of that spectrum money and a totally different lifestyle.

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So in a way, it was like I lived in two different worlds at the same time.

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And my mom, because she had such a limited amount of time to kind of teach us the lessons of

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the world, she wanted us to learn them.

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And it was almost in a way that was bitter, you know, a little salty.

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She felt like I could handle something myself.

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She would tell me, what are you going to do about it, baby girl?

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And she would make me find the answers for myself.

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And trust me at the time, what I really wanted was a life raft.

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And what she gave me was something much bigger, but I didn't realize it at the time.

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It was only after perspective and having to find these answers for myself that I realized

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what a gift she had given.

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But it sort of opened up this idea that we can choose.

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We can choose for ourselves what feels good and what doesn't feel good.

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And does it feel good to feel like the relationship changed me in a way that wasn't great?

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Does it feel good to sit in the idea that it's always somebody else's fault?

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Or does it feel good to say, gosh, this is, I see that.

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It's not my favorite part of me.

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But I can see that even if it isn't my favorite part of me, it's still very valuable.

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And it's really at the end of the day, just information.

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So if I behaved a certain way in a relationship and, you know, it contributed to the demise of

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the relationship,

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what can I change about myself in the future to not have this same outcome?

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And when you look at it just as information and not as a label that sits with you for a

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lifetime, you can see how malleable it is.

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And you can see that the power that you have in the narrative that you speak of yourself

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and that you know of yourself.

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And when you start to understand that, you get to write your own script.

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You get to decide all of the things.

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And so it's sort of opened this little portal of how do I want this human experience to be

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for me?

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And what does that mean as far as my own ownership of my behavior?

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And some of it was really hard to look at.

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But I think in that toughness, that's where, you know, that's where all of the insight

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really comes from.

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And that's where the growth is.

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It's very uncomfortable to look at yourself and see your flaws.

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And the things that are necessary to change in order for your life to change.

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So if you look at it, not as a label of who you're going to be forever and ever, and you

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just look at it as a person that you were at one point in your life, you can easily say,

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well, I'm not that anymore.

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So what am I going to be?

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What do I choose next?

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And I think that's the differentiator of whether we sit in Wallow or what are you going

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to do about it, baby girl?

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That is profound.

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That is profound.

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Thank you.

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Right, to share.

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I'm just thinking of the person who didn't have your mom and her, how she taught you to

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put perspective on life and the things happening to you in life.

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And all they know is the pain they're suffering through.

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How do they make that transition?

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How do they go to the perspective you just spoke about?

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So, I'm going to say this with the intention of love.

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And I hope that your audience receives it that way.

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But there's this wonderful quote by a man named Dr. Wayne Dwyer.

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And he speaks about pain and about suffering.

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And I'm going to really simplify it in a way that probably doesn't honor his true meaning,

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but it's just for the sake of time.

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It is that pain is inevitable.

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We will all feel pain in our lifetime, but suffering is in some ways a choice.

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And if we can separate what happened in this moment from what we choose to carry forward

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forever, that's where we decide where our suffering stops.

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And I do believe that there's deep suffering that people feel with a sense of their own

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worthiness or lack thereof where it becomes then punishment.

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And they have to kind of relive this in order to fulfill the punishment that they feel they

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deserve.

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And that's a really dark place, but it's a very human place to be.

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And if we can have awareness that that's where we are, that every day that we decide to

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ruminate on something that happened a long time ago, we're choosing to carry that suffering

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back into another day.

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And where we decide we can stop that cycle for ourself, that's the day of our reckoning.

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That's the day that we can say, I don't want to wear this, you know, all of this anymore,

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I want to be something lighter and better.

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And then that's where the change can start to happen.

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But it really happens with that awareness.

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Thank you for that.

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I think that for a lot of people who don't have that kind of support, that can really

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make a difference to hear those words and to get that perspective.

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So thank you for that.

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So I think I mentioned to you that for Heather and I, this year has been the year of the

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bitch where we have turned that into an acronym of betrayal identity, trust, change, and healing,

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a process that after speaking to hundreds of women over the years, we've seen this pattern

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go through over and over again.

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And in reading your book, no one would be hold there, it is again.

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What a human experience we're all having.

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There's a passage here on your page 15.

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There is a narrow tightrope.

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Do you remember it?

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Can you read that for us?

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Yeah, I would be honored too.

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Yeah.

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It's page 115.

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It's in chapter 8, which is, it's called, that chapter is under the right conditions,

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which really speaks to honoring our own ecology.

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So the passage is this.

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There is a narrow tightrope path women are asked to walk.

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And we're rarely told how impossible it is until we're in the middle of it, already exhausted

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from trying to stay balanced up upon it.

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Be beautiful, but have some humility.

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Be confident, but not cocky.

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Be ambitious, not ruthless.

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Be independent, but still desirable enough to be chosen.

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Be healed, but not complicated.

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And don't let your healing make anyone feel uncomfortable.

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Be honest, but don't let your honesty disrupt the status quo.

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Be strong, but for the love of God, don't let anyone feel the weight of what may do that

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way.

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We learn to edit, omit, and hide ourselves.

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Some of us edit our loudness, some of us edit our softness, some of us edit our intelligence,

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our sexuality, our grief, our hunger, our anger, our joy.

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Some of us become excellent at being palatable.

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We become good at reading rooms so we can stay safe in our smallness.

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We become fluent in other people's needs so we can speak the language of their comfort

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while putting our own on a shelf for safekeeping.

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And then one day after all of that, there's a reckoning, a painful reckoning.

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Yeah.

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Yeah.

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For Heather and I, we've gone through this process of betrayal.

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And most of the time betrayal comes from outside of us, but the majority of our betrayals come

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from within us.

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And what you just read there is that not an example of betraying ourselves.

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Absolutely.

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Self-a-racer.

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And I find that self-a-racer happens, you know, very often in relationships.

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And it's really hard to discern that it's happening in the moment that it's happening.

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But it happens all over the place.

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It happens in business when you realize that your bigness makes other people uncomfortable.

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And so you kind of just, you know, sand down your sharp edges and become a much easier

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pill to swallow for everyone else's comfort.

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And at some point that betrayal, it becomes a real part of your experience almost to the

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point where you can have this wake-up moment of, well, who am I?

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Now, and that question is a really tough one for a lot of people to answer, who am I?

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Especially without our labels, mom, boss, manager, sister, cousin, brother, you ask somebody

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who they are.

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I'm a great friend.

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Well, without that friendship, who are you?

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Right?

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And I think that is where you can really lose grip of who you are and become betrayed in

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whatever that relationship is or whatever that mindset is for yourself and limit yourself

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in such a way that you don't have the permission to be you any longer.

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And what a sad place.

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What a horrible place to be.

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And we've all been there.

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You know, there's no shame in that.

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We've all felt that way.

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And you know in the moment, you know, sometimes you have those big moments where you're like,

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oh, I should have spoke up.

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I should have said, I should have done, you know, I should have been vulnerable or courageous

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or brave, but I wasn't.

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And it's part of the human experience.

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But it's one of those that needs a little closer look.

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So woman listening to you right now was thinking, oh, wow, she's really got it together.

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She's stuck on point, man.

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She's always been like that.

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No.

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Wrong.

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You should have met me in my 20s.

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I was a mess.

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I mean, it took a lot of, it took a lot of being in the gutter for me to get there, you know,

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and I wouldn't trade it for the world.

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You know, I wouldn't trade any of the hard stuff for the world because even though it didn't

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feel great in the moment of going through the tough things and the losses, I came out of it

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and you can too.

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It's very doable, very doable.

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It's just really about honoring, you know, what it is that you need for your own growth.

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And sometimes that is a tough call.

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Sometimes it means cutting people off that are, you know, absorbing too much of your energy

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and time.

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And sometimes it means taking a real assessment of, you know, the values that you hold close

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to your heart and who you are as a person and saying, "This doesn't really align with me

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anymore."

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And it's never too late to do that.

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You know, we're never too big or too small to take inventory and say, "It doesn't belong

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or I need a little more of that."

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You know, that's a responsibility that we have as human beings, not just to ourselves

241
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but to each other, to the consciousness that we're all contributing to.

242
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You know, we owe it to ourselves to do better and be better.

243
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We really do.

244
00:15:30,600 --> 00:15:37,600
Yeah, we talk a lot about identity and it seems like I am who I am.

245
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What do you mean?

246
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Right?

247
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Yeah.

248
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However, the knowing of who you are as opposed to what you're supposed to be performing in

249
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order for you to be loved, accepted, whatever it might be, sometimes it's hard to

250
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differentiate those things from actually who you are and taking the time, effort and pain

251
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as you've learned to actually use that to find out who you are and not run from it.

252
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Yeah, they will.

253
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They will.

254
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And it's really hard to identify.

255
00:16:12,520 --> 00:16:17,920
I think you have to be somewhat aware of your physical creature.

256
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And what I mean by that is when something happens that doesn't feel good in your body, you can

257
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feel it.

258
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You know, you, I often use the example of like when you feel it in your heart space, it generally

259
00:16:30,680 --> 00:16:36,480
means that something that happened outside of you does not align with how you see yourself

260
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as a person.

261
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So let's say that there's like a misunderstanding and somebody sees you and maybe judges you

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unfairly.

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Generally, there's this ache in the chest where it's like, oh, I just wish that they had

264
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seen me differently.

265
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And I think that that is a call to say there's a, there's a value of alignment with how you

266
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see yourself and how they see you and you, you can try.

267
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I think it's a really encouraged to try to make those two things aligned and connect.

268
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So it's the responsibility to then to say, I think you actually misunderstood me there.

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This is my intention.

270
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This is what I mean.

271
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But we have to have awareness.

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It's landing here.

273
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So this is probably what it means.

274
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If it lands in your gut, it might mean something different.

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It might mean that you feel that your, your tribe is not connected to you or that you have

276
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some kind of, you know, very instinctual human, like disconnection from, from, from people.

277
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You know, so it depends on where it lands in your body.

278
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But having that awareness in the first place is, you know, it's, there's a, there's a beautiful

279
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design to us where something happens and it affects us in our physical creature and our

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physical being.

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And we don't often pay attention to that.

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And so it's sort of an afterthought.

283
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People say like, oh, this happened and my gosh, my, I just, my stomach started hurting.

284
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But they don't really piece together.

285
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Why that's happening?

286
00:18:02,480 --> 00:18:07,080
What neurons in our stomach are telling our brain that there's a disconnection here.

287
00:18:07,080 --> 00:18:13,520
And so if you are just starting this journey and you have no idea how to do this, listen

288
00:18:13,520 --> 00:18:14,920
to your body.

289
00:18:14,920 --> 00:18:21,360
Your body will show you and tell you where the, the disconnections exist based on what

290
00:18:21,360 --> 00:18:24,800
feels good for you and what does not feel good for you.

291
00:18:24,800 --> 00:18:27,560
So that's a good place to start.

292
00:18:27,560 --> 00:18:30,560
But first you have to have that connection to self and you have a, you have a chapter

293
00:18:30,560 --> 00:18:41,360
that I thought was very telling in the differentiation of who we actually are and what we have been conditioned

294
00:18:41,360 --> 00:18:43,080
to believe about ourselves.

295
00:18:43,080 --> 00:18:45,880
And that was in chapter nine, on page 136.

296
00:18:45,880 --> 00:18:47,400
Yeah, yeah, yeah.

297
00:18:47,400 --> 00:18:48,400
Most of us are.

298
00:18:48,400 --> 00:18:51,400
Yeah, do you want me to go ahead and ask for a question?

299
00:18:51,400 --> 00:18:54,120
Yeah, I'm going to be honest.

300
00:18:54,120 --> 00:18:56,240
Most of us are not choosing from a blank slate.

301
00:18:56,240 --> 00:18:58,760
We're choosing from inside our own conditioning.

302
00:18:58,760 --> 00:19:04,440
We're choosing from inside our unique family systems, culture, religion, financial situations.

303
00:19:04,440 --> 00:19:08,880
We're choosing from a place of motherhood inside our personal traumas and choices.

304
00:19:08,880 --> 00:19:13,760
We choose from inside the long history being of being rewarded for being agreeable and

305
00:19:13,760 --> 00:19:16,600
ashamed for wanting more.

306
00:19:16,600 --> 00:19:20,040
Ouch, that left line.

307
00:19:20,040 --> 00:19:26,200
That is a punch in the gut if there is, if you really listen to it and take it to heart

308
00:19:26,200 --> 00:19:35,240
and evaluate your surroundings, evaluate your past and who you believe you are.

309
00:19:35,240 --> 00:19:38,120
Are you these things that have been plugged into you?

310
00:19:38,120 --> 00:19:42,120
And do you actually do you know what's beneath all of that?

311
00:19:42,120 --> 00:19:43,120
Right.

312
00:19:43,120 --> 00:19:44,120
Right.

313
00:19:44,120 --> 00:19:49,120
Do you have you really taken inventory of what's underneath that, where it came from and

314
00:19:49,120 --> 00:19:52,760
if it even belongs anymore in the first place?

315
00:19:52,760 --> 00:20:01,760
And that last line of being ashamed for wanting more, that's a tough one because there's so

316
00:20:01,760 --> 00:20:05,280
many different places where that can show up.

317
00:20:05,280 --> 00:20:10,920
You can want more in your job and you can be a bitch.

318
00:20:10,920 --> 00:20:16,440
You can be somebody who's willing to do whatever it takes to get there and that can be perceived

319
00:20:16,440 --> 00:20:24,560
as bitchiness or something like that and you can want more in a relationship and feel

320
00:20:24,560 --> 00:20:29,160
obligated to stay because there's nothing really truly wrong.

321
00:20:29,160 --> 00:20:31,520
It just doesn't feel enough.

322
00:20:31,520 --> 00:20:36,960
And so you can get stuck in the cycle of being stuck there because I don't have a good

323
00:20:36,960 --> 00:20:41,040
enough reason to leave but I know this isn't exactly what I want.

324
00:20:41,040 --> 00:20:46,400
And if I leave and somebody asks, you know what happened and I said, we just grew apart

325
00:20:46,400 --> 00:20:50,880
there's a hundred more questions that come out after that of like, are you nuts?

326
00:20:50,880 --> 00:20:53,840
Like, you know, can you just work through it?

327
00:20:53,840 --> 00:21:02,440
And so you get this shame for feeling like what you have is not enough for you and that

328
00:21:02,440 --> 00:21:06,720
you have to justify it in some reason and I'm here to say you don't.

329
00:21:06,720 --> 00:21:08,360
You don't owe anybody an explanation.

330
00:21:08,360 --> 00:21:09,360
You don't.

331
00:21:09,360 --> 00:21:10,360
Let me ask you then.

332
00:21:10,360 --> 00:21:12,400
So you coach men and women.

333
00:21:12,400 --> 00:21:13,400
Thank you.

334
00:21:13,400 --> 00:21:19,920
Is there a difference in what it is you just spoke about and how men approach that deficit

335
00:21:19,920 --> 00:21:22,240
as opposed to how women approach that deficit?

336
00:21:22,240 --> 00:21:23,240
No.

337
00:21:23,240 --> 00:21:24,240
I do.

338
00:21:24,240 --> 00:21:25,240
Really?

339
00:21:25,240 --> 00:21:27,200
So I don't think so.

340
00:21:27,200 --> 00:21:33,760
I think women are much more tender in receiving the information and men are generally more

341
00:21:33,760 --> 00:21:38,760
logical in receiving the information like it logically makes sense so that they can create

342
00:21:38,760 --> 00:21:39,760
a plan forward.

343
00:21:39,760 --> 00:21:46,280
But the information always resonates because it's something very relatable.

344
00:21:46,280 --> 00:21:52,760
I don't think men have the same social pressures of behaving one way or another way.

345
00:21:52,760 --> 00:21:58,240
So for example, you know, in business, men are padded on the back for being aggressive.

346
00:21:58,240 --> 00:22:00,280
Women are ashamed for it.

347
00:22:00,280 --> 00:22:07,120
And so in that way, yes, the receiving that information is different, but feeling the

348
00:22:07,120 --> 00:22:14,720
feeling of wanting more and going for it is pretty universal, regardless of gender.

349
00:22:14,720 --> 00:22:16,400
I mean, we are all human.

350
00:22:16,400 --> 00:22:22,120
After all, we will absorb and work with that information the same way because we are

351
00:22:22,120 --> 00:22:23,120
human.

352
00:22:23,120 --> 00:22:28,720
However, like you said, there are social conditionings that separate us.

353
00:22:28,720 --> 00:22:29,720
Absolutely.

354
00:22:29,720 --> 00:22:39,160
So bring different levels of pressure, stress and lack of actually believing in yourself.

355
00:22:39,160 --> 00:22:40,160
Yeah.

356
00:22:40,160 --> 00:22:41,160
Yeah.

357
00:22:41,160 --> 00:22:42,160
To the equation.

358
00:22:42,160 --> 00:22:43,160
Right.

359
00:22:43,160 --> 00:22:45,000
So when I say, is there a difference between men and women?

360
00:22:45,000 --> 00:22:52,160
I'm mostly talking about those kinds of influences and then how women respond.

361
00:22:52,160 --> 00:22:56,400
If I'm a man and I'm aggressive and I'm padded on the back and if I'm a woman, I'm called

362
00:22:56,400 --> 00:22:57,400
a bitch.

363
00:22:57,400 --> 00:22:58,400
I'm going to be.

364
00:22:58,400 --> 00:22:59,400
Yes.

365
00:22:59,400 --> 00:23:01,400
The experience is different.

366
00:23:01,400 --> 00:23:03,400
The experience and that is very different.

367
00:23:03,400 --> 00:23:04,400
Yeah.

368
00:23:04,400 --> 00:23:07,000
The desire and the same, but the experience is very different.

369
00:23:07,000 --> 00:23:14,720
So of course, as a woman, you have to have more peripherals in those kinds of situations.

370
00:23:14,720 --> 00:23:18,960
You have to understand that people are going to see things differently because that is

371
00:23:18,960 --> 00:23:24,520
the conditioning that we have had and that is what is accepted socially.

372
00:23:24,520 --> 00:23:29,100
And so as a woman, you do have to, let's say in the example of being an aggressive business

373
00:23:29,100 --> 00:23:32,560
person, you have to develop this thick skin.

374
00:23:32,560 --> 00:23:37,320
And I think that thick skin is where the word bitch comes in.

375
00:23:37,320 --> 00:23:47,560
So I'm obeying the social conditioning and yet I am being ashamed for it.

376
00:23:47,560 --> 00:23:49,920
It's a no-win situation for me.

377
00:23:49,920 --> 00:23:57,560
So at some point, I think the challenge is like, what would win for you?

378
00:23:57,560 --> 00:24:04,200
Is it taking in the idea that you're a bitch and sitting with it and owning it and being

379
00:24:04,200 --> 00:24:08,480
that and having that become part of your identity or is it deciding that what that word means

380
00:24:08,480 --> 00:24:13,560
to you is something that different than what it was given intentionally.

381
00:24:13,560 --> 00:24:16,640
And that's the difference between pain and suffering.

382
00:24:16,640 --> 00:24:18,640
You see what I mean?

383
00:24:18,640 --> 00:24:19,640
Thank you.

384
00:24:19,640 --> 00:24:20,640
Okay.

385
00:24:20,640 --> 00:24:21,640
Great.

386
00:24:21,640 --> 00:24:22,640
Full circle.

387
00:24:22,640 --> 00:24:26,640
I love it when it comes to full circle.

388
00:24:26,640 --> 00:24:28,640
I love it when it comes to full circle.

389
00:24:28,640 --> 00:24:29,640
That is brilliant.

390
00:24:29,640 --> 00:24:31,960
That is absolutely brilliant.

391
00:24:31,960 --> 00:24:39,080
So some of your, what is, can give us a little bit more about new mindset foundation?

392
00:24:39,080 --> 00:24:40,080
Yeah.

393
00:24:40,080 --> 00:24:44,080
So, new mindset foundation is my coaching organization.

394
00:24:44,080 --> 00:24:45,960
I have a few different businesses.

395
00:24:45,960 --> 00:24:49,760
I have a publishing business, so I love that.

396
00:24:49,760 --> 00:24:51,360
I'm an author.

397
00:24:51,360 --> 00:24:55,160
I have my hands in a lot of different places because I'm a multifaceted human being and

398
00:24:55,160 --> 00:24:56,320
I love different things.

399
00:24:56,320 --> 00:25:03,080
But that is the real thought leader part of my business.

400
00:25:03,080 --> 00:25:06,880
And so I started coaching just executives.

401
00:25:06,880 --> 00:25:10,920
I really wanted to target women in particular.

402
00:25:10,920 --> 00:25:15,360
But when you're first starting out, you take what you can.

403
00:25:15,360 --> 00:25:19,360
And I found actually that I just love it.

404
00:25:19,360 --> 00:25:21,440
I love the conversations.

405
00:25:21,440 --> 00:25:25,360
Most of the conversations I have are repair conversations.

406
00:25:25,360 --> 00:25:31,160
I speak with a lot of founders and CEOs about, you know, not just scaling their business,

407
00:25:31,160 --> 00:25:36,920
but the culture they're developing in the business, how they're being received as a leader.

408
00:25:36,920 --> 00:25:39,480
How would they want their legacy to look?

409
00:25:39,480 --> 00:25:45,120
And in most of the conversations, I'd say 80%, we always find a place where repair

410
00:25:45,120 --> 00:25:51,280
can be made, whether with co-founders or, you know, other sea sweets that are, you know,

411
00:25:51,280 --> 00:25:55,560
that there's always a little residue and, you know, they come up butting heads against

412
00:25:55,560 --> 00:25:56,560
each other.

413
00:25:56,560 --> 00:25:59,440
And to me, that's where the fascinating work is.

414
00:25:59,440 --> 00:26:08,680
I love kind of untangling the issues that have created residue in relationships because

415
00:26:08,680 --> 00:26:13,960
it's always about a trigger and a trigger is always about something inside of yourself

416
00:26:13,960 --> 00:26:17,080
that you haven't figured out just quite yet.

417
00:26:17,080 --> 00:26:23,640
And so when we can reframe things and look at it as personal ownership and autonomy, we

418
00:26:23,640 --> 00:26:29,320
can make huge headway on letting go of some of the baggage we're carrying with us.

419
00:26:29,320 --> 00:26:31,800
And that is, that is fun stuff.

420
00:26:31,800 --> 00:26:32,800
That is making lemonade.

421
00:26:32,800 --> 00:26:34,800
And that is making lemonade.

422
00:26:34,800 --> 00:26:35,800
Exactly.

423
00:26:35,800 --> 00:26:43,920
So give us a full title of the book and yeah, maybe a little bit of space as to why

424
00:26:43,920 --> 00:26:46,160
everyone should be reading this.

425
00:26:46,160 --> 00:26:47,160
Yeah, okay.

426
00:26:47,160 --> 00:26:51,840
So it's making lemonade, a bittersweet and brutally honest guy to heartbreak, divorce,

427
00:26:51,840 --> 00:26:52,840
and starting over.

428
00:26:52,840 --> 00:26:53,840
It's a mouthful.

429
00:26:53,840 --> 00:27:00,200
If you go on to Amazon, just do like making lemonade and then my name, Lauren Florek,

430
00:27:00,200 --> 00:27:01,480
it'll pop right up.

431
00:27:01,480 --> 00:27:05,400
But the spice of it is, oh my goodness.

432
00:27:05,400 --> 00:27:06,400
Okay.

433
00:27:06,400 --> 00:27:08,200
It gets a little unhinged in there.

434
00:27:08,200 --> 00:27:09,200
Yeah.

435
00:27:09,200 --> 00:27:13,880
There's parts that I'm like, maybe I should have, you know, consulted a lawyer.

436
00:27:13,880 --> 00:27:18,840
But, you know what, it's my truth.

437
00:27:18,840 --> 00:27:21,880
And if I am walking through this world, I'm going to do it honestly.

438
00:27:21,880 --> 00:27:24,520
So that's what it is.

439
00:27:24,520 --> 00:27:30,800
But it's the real, the real meat and potatoes of what happened in a couple of divorces and

440
00:27:30,800 --> 00:27:34,320
a few failed relationships that I've gone through.

441
00:27:34,320 --> 00:27:42,120
And what I uncovered about myself in that journey and a lot of it is about my own accountability.

442
00:27:42,120 --> 00:27:48,480
And even though there are tragic situations within it, there were red flags that I think

443
00:27:48,480 --> 00:27:52,640
in one chapter I say, I kind of tilted it sideways and it was, you know, a pretty shade

444
00:27:52,640 --> 00:27:54,560
of orange, you know, that kind of thing.

445
00:27:54,560 --> 00:27:56,080
Like I just let it go.

446
00:27:56,080 --> 00:28:01,560
And I didn't see it because I wasn't focused on me.

447
00:28:01,560 --> 00:28:05,520
I was focused on being the right person for them.

448
00:28:05,520 --> 00:28:11,720
And in that same, you know, through line of self-arraysure, that's where I found myself

449
00:28:11,720 --> 00:28:18,160
repeating the same, you know, different face, different man, same Lauren, you know, same

450
00:28:18,160 --> 00:28:19,640
problem.

451
00:28:19,640 --> 00:28:28,160
And so it wasn't until I went, oh, this is a me thing that I went, okay, so I have control

452
00:28:28,160 --> 00:28:29,160
over it then.

453
00:28:29,160 --> 00:28:30,920
I don't just have a bad picker.

454
00:28:30,920 --> 00:28:34,360
I don't just have poor experiences in relationship.

455
00:28:34,360 --> 00:28:39,000
I have actually some ownership over how my relationship should look and what I want them

456
00:28:39,000 --> 00:28:40,680
to be in the future.

457
00:28:40,680 --> 00:28:44,400
So that's a little bit of a spice.

458
00:28:44,400 --> 00:28:50,000
It's amazing how many traps we set for ourselves before we actually learn.

459
00:28:50,000 --> 00:28:51,000
Strictly.

460
00:28:51,000 --> 00:28:56,120
And you know, I always say, if it takes me one more trip around that revolving door, I'm

461
00:28:56,120 --> 00:28:57,520
going to take it every time.

462
00:28:57,520 --> 00:29:02,520
You know, there's no shame in learning less than one more time just so you really get it.

463
00:29:02,520 --> 00:29:04,480
And I had to do that a lot.

464
00:29:04,480 --> 00:29:10,080
So I, you know, I empathize and I have compassion for people who have done it because it's

465
00:29:10,080 --> 00:29:13,440
an easy thing to do.

466
00:29:13,440 --> 00:29:16,720
It's just when you realize that that's what you're doing, you got to get out of the, you

467
00:29:16,720 --> 00:29:18,600
got to get out of the trap door.

468
00:29:18,600 --> 00:29:19,600
Groundhog day.

469
00:29:19,600 --> 00:29:20,600
(laughs)

470
00:29:20,600 --> 00:29:23,360
Doing the same thing over and over and over again.

471
00:29:23,360 --> 00:29:24,880
Yeah, yeah.

472
00:29:24,880 --> 00:29:26,760
And wanting it to turn out differently.

473
00:29:26,760 --> 00:29:28,160
Yeah.

474
00:29:28,160 --> 00:29:32,160
And ultimately, is that the story you want to keep telling or do you want a better story?

475
00:29:32,160 --> 00:29:33,160
Exactly.

476
00:29:33,160 --> 00:29:34,160
Yeah.

477
00:29:34,160 --> 00:29:36,600
Lauren, you are amazing.

478
00:29:36,600 --> 00:29:37,600
Oh, thank you.

479
00:29:37,600 --> 00:29:38,600
I've had so much fun.

480
00:29:38,600 --> 00:29:40,600
I just adore you.

481
00:29:40,600 --> 00:29:42,600
(laughs)

482
00:29:42,600 --> 00:29:43,600
Yeah.

483
00:29:43,600 --> 00:29:48,600
I thank you for writing your book for being so vulnerable and honest and open.

484
00:29:48,600 --> 00:29:50,600
It is a fun read.

485
00:29:50,600 --> 00:29:51,600
Thank you.

486
00:29:51,600 --> 00:29:53,600
Because it's your heart.

487
00:29:53,600 --> 00:29:54,600
Yeah.

488
00:29:54,600 --> 00:29:56,400
It really is your heart.

489
00:29:56,400 --> 00:30:01,600
And I really appreciate you putting that on a page for me to learn from.

490
00:30:01,600 --> 00:30:02,600
Well, thank you.

491
00:30:02,600 --> 00:30:04,920
And for others to do the same.

492
00:30:04,920 --> 00:30:05,920
Thank you for that.

493
00:30:05,920 --> 00:30:06,920
Yeah, you're so welcome.

494
00:30:06,920 --> 00:30:10,000
My pleasure, absolutely.

495
00:30:10,000 --> 00:30:12,600
Before we go, give us a name in that book again and where to get it.

496
00:30:12,600 --> 00:30:13,600
Yeah.

497
00:30:13,600 --> 00:30:16,760
So I'm going to give you a short version and I'm going to tell you how to get it.

498
00:30:16,760 --> 00:30:19,680
So it's Making Lemonade by Lauren Florek.

499
00:30:19,680 --> 00:30:22,600
You can see it on, you can catch it on Amazon.

500
00:30:22,600 --> 00:30:24,240
You can also find it on my website.

501
00:30:24,240 --> 00:30:25,560
It'll link right to it.

502
00:30:25,560 --> 00:30:29,480
My website is LaurenOnLife.com.

503
00:30:29,480 --> 00:30:31,560
And you can find me, that's my social handle as well.

504
00:30:31,560 --> 00:30:33,480
You can find me on social that way.

505
00:30:33,480 --> 00:30:39,760
LinkedIn, my full name, but I would be honored and privileged and absolutely blast if you

506
00:30:39,760 --> 00:30:41,720
and your readers enjoy it.

507
00:30:41,720 --> 00:30:45,080
That would be my life's work, you know.

508
00:30:45,080 --> 00:30:46,720
I recommend it 12 out of 10.

509
00:30:46,720 --> 00:30:47,720
Oh, thank you.

510
00:30:47,720 --> 00:30:48,720
Oh, thank you.

511
00:30:48,720 --> 00:30:49,720
So kind.

512
00:30:49,720 --> 00:30:50,720
Thank you.

513
00:30:50,720 --> 00:30:51,720
Thank you for doing this.

514
00:30:51,720 --> 00:30:57,120
Thank you for giving the time to share what it is that you've learned over these years.

515
00:30:57,120 --> 00:30:58,520
I really appreciate you.

516
00:30:58,520 --> 00:30:59,520
My pleasure.

517
00:30:59,520 --> 00:31:00,520
Thank you.

518
00:31:00,520 --> 00:31:03,440
And you have the listening to The Virgin, The Beauty.

519
00:31:03,440 --> 00:31:05,760
And the Bitch. Find us, Like us.

520
00:31:05,760 --> 00:31:10,080
Share us and you're going to bring your friends and you're going to come right on back.

521
00:31:10,080 --> 00:31:11,080
Yes, yes.

522
00:31:11,080 --> 00:31:20,040
To become a partner in the VBB community, we invite you to find us at virginbeautybitch.com.

523
00:31:20,040 --> 00:31:24,240
Like us on Facebook, Instagram and LinkedIn.

524
00:31:24,240 --> 00:31:30,840
And share us with people who are defiantly different like you.

525
00:31:30,840 --> 00:31:32,840
Until next time, thanks for listening.

526
00:31:32,840 --> 00:31:35,420
(upbeat music)