VBB 361: B.I.T.C.H. Explained

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Virgin, Beauty, Bitch, Podcast, Inspiring women to overcome social stereotypes and share

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unique life experiences without fear of being defiantly different.

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Your hosts, Christopher and Heather, let's talk, shall we?

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You may have heard, Heather and I have proclaimed 2026 The Year of the B.I.T.C.H.

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So in our last episode we shared our motivation and reason for this designation, but we didn't

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explain the acronym and how it works or what it stands for.

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We did that for a couple of reasons.

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One, we wanted you to come back.

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So welcome back.

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The explanation itself actually deserves its own show.

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Before we start, I must reiterate and recognize that BITCH is not an identity, women aspire

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to become.

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At least not in the way the word has been used to dehumanize and demonize women for centuries.

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We get that.

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Our imagining of Year of the BITCH comes after hundreds of conversations with women.

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It comes from listening to their personal journal journey through betrayals and failure and

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suffering, but also hearing the courage it took to recover their strength, believe in

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it and live by it.

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It's from those amazing conversations that a pattern began to emerge, a process that

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literally became five steps.

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So today, we'll share what each of those letters mean and hopefully engage you to join us

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in a year-long journey that might not only change your outlook on a word, but more importantly,

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remind you of who you are and what you are capable of in your life.

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If you're ready, we'll start at the beginning.

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I feel like a game show here, but Heather, what's under the letter B?

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What's behind door one, number one?

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Do do do.

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You know, I just want to kick it off with our folks listening.

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You may have heard Christopher talk about that year of the BITCH, 2026, year-long journey

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that we're going to be going on together.

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And if that sounds like a big commitment, there's lots of steps along the way for you to

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get involved with as much time as you're able to give.

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So stay tuned for the ways that we're really going to be providing outlets for you to engage

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with us and go through these steps with us.

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So what I've been thinking about a lot, Christopher, is when I hear the word BITCH, you've heard

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the word, you know the warning.

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It's something that's either hit you at one point of your life or it's become so big

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in pulp culture that it's something you've really started to adopt.

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You know, just around like a brunch table, I think about girls who are calling each other,

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you know, a bad BITCH, or you got that BITCH, or you know I'm that BITCH, or I'm that BITCH

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today.

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And so I want to say to our guests that no matter what your relationship is with this

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word, if this is a word that you hear and you feel like you just got punched in the

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gut, if this is a word that you hear and you've completely reclaimed it, if this is a

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word that, you know, you still want to tiptoe around and monitor or tailor yourself in order

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to not be called it, no matter what your relationship is with this word, it's undeniable that it

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is a very powerful word and a word that's used extremely commonly in our world today

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and definitely throughout different centuries in different ways.

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So if you haven't listened to our first episode on this journey that we're taking together,

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I encourage you to do so because the foundations for what Christopher and I are doing in this

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year of the BITCH is to be able to take this word and perhaps all the different ways that

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it hits you or hits your gut and evolve it, evolve it into something that meets your needs

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in today's world and how you want to show up in your own life.

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So it's an extremely exciting year for us and I'm excited to be walking down this

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journey with Christopher and each one of you.

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So without further ado, considering that this is door number one, we'll start off, we'll

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kick it off with B, you know, you're a bad B. There's so many ways that we hear even this

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beginning letter, but for us at VBB, you know, we got two B's, B is for BETRAYAL.

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There's countless reports, studies and cultural narratives that women today have more access,

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more visibility, better income, better education, more influence than any previous generations.

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But yet the question still persists.

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Why are you so angry, BITCH?

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Why you gotta be so difficult, BITCH?

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And well, few may thrive on that anger or that sentiment.

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A lot of women do not live there comfortably.

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There is cold and it's a lonely place or can feel lonely and instead women can put lipstick

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on their anger and maybe even a smile or not say the things that you really do want to

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say.

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But the root of where anger for women runs deeper, it has a name and that anger is betrayal.

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And I'm not just talking about somebody who's, you know, kind of turned their back on you

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or done something that has wronged you.

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We're going to un, to peel back the layers from childhood through adolescence into, into

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womanhood about the small cuts where you felt abandoned, used, dismissed, discarded by a lover,

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a friend, a family member or maybe an entire system that you felt was meant to protect you.

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So now let's take that pain and stretch it across centuries because this word has been

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nuisance about the 1400s and multiply it by every woman who has ever lived under the

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rules without her consent.

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There is a context of women's anger and the different layers of betrayal that we faced.

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So with that understanding, B is also for beginning and let's talk about you, a woman.

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"The emotional, sexual, psychological, stereotyping of females begins that moment when the doctor

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says, it's a girl." And that's a quote by Shirley Chrisolm.

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So you know, that first layer of betrayal that we want to uncover with you is the equality

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denied at birth.

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So women being born into a system that immediately leashes and limits us based on sex.

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I know a lot of women are pushing this wide open and that's the entire point of the show

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is certainly women are not standing by this any longer, but it took a long time to get

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here and we're still facing it today.

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So before you raise your voice, you were taught to lower it.

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Before you asserted yourself, you were warned to be likable.

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Before you lead, you were told to follow gracefully and with gratitude.

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And before you resist, you were warned about the consequences.

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So the original betrayal of woman is the promise of equality in pay, in safety, in credibility

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and most importantly in freedom.

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So you know, as we kind of move through these different processes and these different

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layers, we're going to be diving more and more into these layers to truly shape and understanding

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for your personal life as an individual woman.

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But were those key moments of your life that you were betrayed perhaps by yourself, perhaps

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by a lover, perhaps by your family and definitely by society so that we can use that to inform

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what's behind door number two, and that being IDENTITY, over to you.

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Yeah.

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It's really fascinating how these things dovetail together because betrayal and betrayals

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that start before we're even cognitively aware of our world, our role in it.

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A lot is being imprinted on us that becomes our identity, things we accept, some of them

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as faults.

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Identity, I see identity like an iceberg, right?

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Everyone can see the surface.

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They know your name, they know your face, they get to know your likes and your dislikes,

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what color you prefer, your habits, your idea of synchrosies.

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That's the iceberg, the top of the iceberg that we see floating by every day.

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But beneath the surface, there's a lot more that maybe only your pastor who you confess

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to, or your psychologist might ever discover.

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Things like the imprints of your family tree, for instance, right?

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Or past experiences of your youth that you've long forgotten, but they influence your personality,

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nonetheless.

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We can go even deeper, I mean, based on your sex and your gender, like different behaviors

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are expected of men that are expected of women.

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And that also becomes part of your personality trying to live up to those things and not disappoint

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those things that are expected of you.

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It explains why so many women struggle with things like words like worthiness and guilt

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and shame and not being enough.

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Right?

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It's part of that identity of gender, which is also an identity.

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And it's been imprimanted onto womanhood as a whole.

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And the fear of being called out to that identity gives others the control of women's behavior,

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attitude and but so much pressure just to be perfect all the time, not to make a mistake,

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not to be called out.

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You can, there's a way actually to skirt being that bitch identity.

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You can adopt what's called the good girl identity.

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But what does that leave you?

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That's an identity that you're living the life to please others and never looking at yourself,

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never considering your needs, always wanting to make life better for those around you.

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You need to be good all the time.

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That is a lot of pressure.

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What this process about identity is, is that inside that iceberg, there's an ice cream

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cube, size, person that begat all these things.

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We have to find that ice cube that you once were.

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Like what's the truth of that identity?

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That's what this process is about.

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It's about peeling back, chipping away, understanding who you are, what motivates you, what you like,

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what do you actually do like, what you actually dislike.

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It's about finding those gems that make you who you are.

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So that's what the journey of identity is about.

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It's a very big topic.

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It's a large topic.

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We'll have it having lots of conversations just on that topic alone, trying to decipher it

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and put a part so you can identify the differences of what you are being pushed into being and

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how you present yourself as opposed to how you want it to be.

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That it's okay to be angry.

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It's okay to be disappointed.

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It's okay to have opinions that are not the norm, like trying to fit in.

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It's about unraveling all those things.

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So that's what identity is about.

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But the thing about identity is, before it can really take a hold, comes the next letter

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in this process and that it's "T" for TRUST.

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Beautiful.

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And Christopher really leaned into the importance of the "I" and I want to lean into that

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a bit as well because it really is the foundation for the next three steps.

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So the different access points that we'll have for you as our listeners are those deciding

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to come on to this journey with us.

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I mean, we've already had such fantastic conversations with people around this to give it a completely

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reshaped possibility.

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So I mean, once you've stripped back all of these different pieces of what were societal

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prescriptions or things that were asked of you, we spoke on this in a previous episode

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to say, for centuries or longer, women's worthiness was based on relational value.

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What you did as childbearing, what you did to support your partner, what you did to support

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your family.

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And you know, we are in many areas living in a world where women are really taking their

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own ambition, their own autonomy and their own agency as the most important thing for their

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life and to do so within the web of love and kindness that speaks to them.

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So when we've gone through these many different ways to get a sense of your authentic self,

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then we're moving into how to trust that authentic self.

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So if betrayal-shaped identity, then trust can restore it, not trust in others, but trust

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in yourself.

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"To trust yourself is to create the kind of self that you will be happy to live your whole

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life with."

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That's by Golda Meir.

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And the most radical thing a woman can do is to really trust who she is.

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So after I'm sure many of you at different layers of your life are different times, maybe

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even a lifetime of second guessing yourself, after being taught that it's better to be

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liked than to be equal or to be real, and after learning that self-trust earns punishment,

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trust becomes the real turning point.

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And your center of gravity shifts from out there back to in here.

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So not everyone is going to welcome this new version of you who speaks clearly, sets

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boundaries and no longer apologizes, even for existing.

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And that woman is dangerous to systems that relied on your silence.

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So other people are going to test you, other people are going to shame you, other people

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will try to mold you back into what made their lives easier, the version of you that made

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their lives easier.

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And when they do and you don't bend, they may call you a bitch, but our challenge is to

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let them.

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Which brings us to door number four.

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Which you see, which is change.

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We all say we want to change, we want, we want a better life, we want more money, we want

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richer relationships, we all want.

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But are we willing to change to get it?

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The will to change.

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Damn, I have to change?

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Oh, got it.

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Can I just give it to me?

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Can I just win the lotto?

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It's delayed gratification thing.

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Well, no.

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I want it now.

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I see change, and when I look at change, and in my experience of change, is that there are two levels of

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change.

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There's surface change.

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That's why you determine, okay, this is what I want to achieve.

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This is what I need to get it.

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You plan it out.

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You go through the steps and change happens because you've gone through the steps to make

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that change reality.

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Not no, most of us, that's too much work.

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We go the other way.

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As when life says, take that, slap you behind the head with a two by four and nothing happens.

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Well, I've come back and back to square one.

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Exactly.

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Life has to pick up something heavier and it's you harder.

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That's when we go rock bottom.

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That's when you are in a space where nothing seems worth living for.

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Unfortunately, from the conversations we've had with many, many people, that's when change

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can actually happen.

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When you're out of the way and you have no choice and survival depends on you changing.

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It's not the kind of change we want to go through over and over and over again.

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This process, what we are offering is changing from the surface, but identifying this identity

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that you have found and the change that requires for you to live the kind and way that you want

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your life to be, to not be influenced by things that would trigger you, like a word that

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would be used against you if you spoke your mind or did what you believed was right.

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To allow that change to happen in your life, but to do it cognitively, to do it purposely.

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That's what the change we're talking about involves and that's the process we are going

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to walk through and again have conversations around to understand how people have done

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that, how they've made that change from the surface, not have to go to rock bottom to make

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that happen.

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And that change depends on another word.

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What would that word be?

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Mm-hmm, last but certainly not least, probably because it's an H and that's what my name starts

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with.

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I got a fondness for the word H.

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But H for VBB in the year of the Bitch is for HEALING.

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And so we've talked about those four other layers that we've gone through and understanding

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the self of you that shows up because she's been molded to show up in the ways that others

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want her to.

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And instead, you've met through this process, your authentic self, your identity, when all

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those things are peeled back.

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And so the change that you make is to be able to live that authentic self day in and day

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out, even if or especially when there's push back.

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And people want to revert you into the one that was easier to deal with.

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Quote unquote.

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So throughout these stages, but especially as we kind of land in that change and seeing

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the benefits of this truly living, your authentic self and being able to speak to that, H is

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for healing.

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And healing is not about erasing the past.

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It's about integrating it.

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And we've named Betrayal.

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We've uncovered the identity and we're learning how to trust that new identity and you continue

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to show Change.

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So Healing is where it all becomes sustainable.

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It's the forgiving of yourself for the silence or for the survival or for shrinking.

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It's about finding peace, not in perfection and to really feel that in your body, where

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boundaries become doors rather than walls or shutting opportunities out, your voice studies

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and you're no longer living to acquire a proof of worth from others.

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You know, healing is about knowing that you were never broken.

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Perhaps you were buried.

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And collectively, you know, now it's our time to rise.

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Yes.

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It's a healing as we think of healing in the sense of our body sometimes that we had something

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cut or something that is irritating us or we're sick and we recover and we're healed.

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Okay.

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On onwards we go.

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But healing in the sense is everything that you do to honor this identity that you've discovered,

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the trust that you have in that identity to go forward in your life as this person.

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Every step of that is healing.

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Even when you acknowledge the betrayals of history, of current day, that acknowledgement

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is a form of healing.

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So healing goes through every step of this process.

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And the most important thing is the healing never ends because you don't stop where you are.

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You know, healing is not stopping.

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It is continuing to grow.

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The growth is healing.

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That's how we frame healing and that's how we see healing in this process of BITCH.

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So these things all come together, work together to create something amazing, which is you.

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Can you join us in that?

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And if there was a part of this that really spoke to you, it hit home, it grabbed a piece

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of where you want to be going or perhaps where you're at and you want to share that with

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other people, we're going to have a lot of opportunities.

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But Christopher, would you highlight one of the things that could help them with the

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next step of getting to know these letters a little better?

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So the podcast, we've pretty much turned the podcast over to this process.

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So every show that you join us from here moving forward, we will touch on one of these, if

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or not more, of these processes as they have impacted an individual.

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Each individual we speak to, we will touch on these topics to get a sense of how these

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words have impacted their lives.

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So it's not just giving you theory, it's giving you actual results in how women have taken

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these steps that now spell out this amazing word, this change and evolved this word from

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what it has been to what it can be to each and every woman who wants more from who they

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are, what they can contribute and how they can serve, including serve themselves.

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Mm, sounds delicious.

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Mm, and I'm hungry.

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Let's do it.

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We're doing it.

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We're doing it.

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And if you want to kind of take a look at what we've just shared here, we are going to be making

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it available in a written format.

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So if you want to take your time to kind of chew on what these words could mean to you,

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we're going to have that available for you soon as well.

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Very, very soon.

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And there are bigger plans that we have that we are still working on.

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So we encourage you to stay with us.

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It's part of the process as we go along.

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Love it.

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Alright, Year of the BITCH.

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Hello.

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Yes, here we go.

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And you have been listening to the Virgin, the Beauty and the Bitch in her year.

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Absolutely.

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Come join us.

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Find us.

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Share us.

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Give your friends an opportunity to join this journey with you.

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Do it.

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To become a partner in the VBB community, we invite you to find us at virginbeautybitch.com.

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Like us on Facebook, Instagram and LinkedIn.

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And share us with people who are defiantly different.

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Like you.

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Until next time.

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Thanks for listening.

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[Music]