VBB 339 VBB WHY?

Intro [00:00:01]:

Virgin Beauty Podcast: inspiring women to overcome social stereotypes and share unique life experiences without fear of being defiantly different. Your hosts, Christopher and Heather. 

Let's talk, shall we?

Christopher [00:00:15]:

Yeah. This is for individuals who may not have heard us for a long time to know who we are, why we do what we do, why we do this show, and what it means to us. And hopefully, what it can mean to you as well. So we thought we'd take today and just reintroduce ourselves. I'm Christopher.

Heather [00:00:46]:

And I'm Heather.

Christopher [00:00:47]:

And if you. If you write out our names, you'll find out that the last three letters in both our first names end with H.E.R. And, our podcast is about HER.

Heather [00:01:01]:

Right. I mean, that feels pretty aligned.

Christopher [00:01:04]:

Absolutely. So this is just an opportunity to share who we are and why we do what we do.

Heather [00:01:14]:

Yeah. I'm looking forward to a moment to turn the mic on ourselves. It's been a while since we did a little deeper dive into who we are and why we do the show. You know, clearly the name itself has taken on such a journey between all of us, but really what I'm looking forward to in this episode is where we can meet some of the messy, the brilliant, and the evolving pieces behind the show. But more importantly, why we're unapologetically upset, obsessed with helping you rethink everything that you were told about being a woman.

Christopher [00:01:53]:

Yeah. So my story, because I'm not a woman, in case you haven't noticed, I was just thinking this morning, I used to be very frightened of women because in my life experience, nothing can hurt you like the loss of love with someone. And of course, in my case, that would be women. And I don't know that you could torture me and make me hurt as much as when someone leaves your life. So I started off with a great deal of fear of women. I actually think a lot of men have that same fear. They may not admit to it or ever expose it, but I think it's something that we are. Nothing can hurt you like lost love.

Heather [00:02:52]:

That pain is some of the deepest pain to feel when you lose a love, whether, I mean, for you, that being a woman, for others, you know, that loss of love, it. It really is. It puts a great deal of power into the hands of the person that you love, and hopefully vice versa, because it is. It is one of the deepest pains when that can happen. But, you know, I think you're right, Christopher, that you're not alone in that feeling in so many of the ways that I think women's lives have been molded and shackled and, you know, made to be a certain way comes from an underlying fear of what a wild, untamed woman will do. Let's keep them in order so we can keep them in check.

Christopher [00:03:46]:

Let's put out that fire or keep it under control as much as we can.

Heather [00:03:51]:

And for our listeners, Christopher, will you tell them more about you, our amazing man behind the mic?

Christopher [00:03:57]:

Well, let's see. It's, it's. It's interesting. Where to start? Like, do you start at, I'm an only child, or do you start with your profession? You know, I'll start with this. My first love has and remains music. So music was the sort of my North Star. I can't sing in a way that you would want to hear more than five seconds of it.

Christopher [00:04:33]:

I cannot play any instruments. I tried the guitar once, and we didn't get along very well. However, music has been the driving force of my passion in life. So I went into radio because of it. I worked for a record label, Warner Brothers, because of it, and leaving. That left an amazing void in my life. And it led to my soul searching to find out, okay, so music is something that others create, that I can enjoy. What can I create? What am I here for? What am I supposed to be doing? What, you know, what's my purpose on this planet? And one day, riding on a train in Vancouver, this idea came to me.

Christopher [00:05:24]:

Not an idea, more like an edict from beyond that I was supposed to investigate and write a book on the feminine. Like, okay, what even smoke can you do? Where the hell did that come from? Actually, I'd been to a seminar where I had been privileged to just sit and listen to women speak about their lives and what they've experienced from being women. I had never heard that before. I never heard that kind of perspective, and pain, and suffering, and challenge before in my life. And something in me just changed into, what can I do to make this different? So that's where the snowball started at the top of the hill for me. And this idea or this edict or whatever it might be to write a book on feminine was basically, I guess, my training, my learning, my needing to know what I needed to know in order to do this, in order to speak with women, ask the right questions, see where there can be things done to help the collective. And you help women, you help the human race. It's not a man vs. woman thing anymore.

Christopher [00:06:59]:

It's about all of us being. Having the opportunity to be the best we can be. To make this life as good as it can be. That's what I believe. That's what this podcast is all about. It's about sharing those voices that have been silent for so long or made silent for so long. Sharing experiences that make women feel so isolated and alone, and show that it is not just you. There are a lot of women going through, thinking, and feeling the way that you do.

Christopher [00:07:35]:

So that's basically what this show is offering to do. We're just a stage, and usually we are the ones behind the curtain. Today, we're just coming out in front of the curtain to share who we are.

Heather [00:07:49]:

You know, Christopher, if people haven't seen us before, we couldn't look more polar opposite as individuals.

Christopher [00:08:06]:

I've got a head. You've got a head. You've got shoulders. I got shoulders. What are you talking about?

Heather [00:08:11]:

I mean, you have a sense of style. I'm trying to keep up, but you know, our foundation is just like two souls on the exact same train track that are on either side of the track. So to have our final three letters of both of our names be her and to have that male perspective on seeing the bigger picture of what we do as elevating, you know, no matter what gender you are, it makes a big difference when the work that we do for women's empowerment, that it's not a woman's game. Right. But men can see themselves reflected in you. I think that goes a really, really long way.

Christopher [00:09:04]:

Yeah, I keep getting, you know, I tell people what I do and why, aren't you doing that for men? For me, it's. It doesn't. Again, it doesn't come down to a male, female versus male, female versus kind of scenario. It's that we have put one of the genders so far in the backseat that they don't get an opportunity to actually lead where humanity is going. And that needs to change. That has to change. So why not put my energies, my efforts, whatever it is, I can contribute towards bringing women to the front seat and seeing how that goes.

Heather [00:09:56]:

Front seat and watching them drive. Yeah. Well, I'm very happy that, you know, your path is the trajectory that you've already outlined and that you've also stated that it's not a male, female versus each other versus each other, that at the end of the day, it really is a mutual benefit. There are just so many examples of why the systems that we're in today, even though at surface value uphold and prize men, there are a lot of detriments to what people, including men, experience under this kind of regime. You know, there's lots, right? Like, there's so much talk around the isolation and inability to connect, inability to have empathy.

Heather [00:10:57]:

Like, these are things that can really affect your human existence and, at the end of the day, make you feel like you're not part of a place where you belong. That's, you know, a challenge to what it means to be human.

Christopher [00:11:13]:

I think we're disenfranchised from our humanity. We have been given roles, we've been given expectations, we've been given labels, and we've been given certain levels of differentiated powers that become who we think we should be, and we're not really connected to who we actually are. Like, you talk about things like empathy. We often think of empathy as, oh, that's a female thing. That's a feminine thing. No, it's not at all.

Christopher [00:11:54]:

But for men, they're not supposed to tap into that because it would make them seem not manly enough. And we've talked about these things ad nauseam, so we just take them for granted. We don't even acknowledge them anymore. However, they are a detriment to what we can be and who we can be.

Heather [00:12:19]:

Yeah, I mean, that really kind of is a segue into my journey with this, this podcast, and this show because I feel like I'm a curious soul, try to be a political force, and a seeker of fighting for justice. I help organize workers and I mobilize communities, but at the same time, I feel like I am looking to live in what it means to be centered in my truth, in the Beauty of what life has to offer, and in my own power, because I've seen how systems break people, but I've also seen what happens when people rise up. So the stories and the life journeys that we've had on this show, there's been so many different types of people that, you know, take for, you know, what is common rhetoric now and things that people have discussed at nauseum and really showcase how they're completely turning it on its head and making it something so different. So I think that in the ways that women have and continue to really push what they want to be in their authentic self, you know, men are almost being forced to do the same because it's like, women aren't accepting what they used to accept.

Heather [00:13:46]:

And that lays the groundwork for men to either, and you've said it so well in the past, Christopher. It's like if things are going to change and women say, we're going this way, the men are going to be like, okay, we're going this way because I still want a piece of that. So we would like to still have a piece of that.

Christopher [00:14:14]:

It's just recognizing who, and I don't want to use the word power. It's such a glib word, and it has such a picture in our brains of strength and force. I don't mean it in that way. It's who has the influence, I guess, to actually lead humanity. And I think that obviously women have their role in that, and men have their role in that. It's how do we unleash the freedom for both to be able to do their part in leading humanity?

Heather [00:15:04]:

And that lends to why we have these three titles in our name. The Virgin, the Beauty, and the Bitch. Because these are sometimes masks, sometimes they're stories, sometimes they're containers that women get shoved into. You know, we think of immediately, you know, the Virgin around being pure and obedient, sexually recluse; Beauty being adored or objectified, and the Bitch being punished for her power. So the ways that we've unpacked those words to mean so many different spectrums of what's within a person, especially a woman, has been one of the biggest joys of my life. You know, to see the Virgin as not solely tied to obedience and sexuality, but the virgin mind of being evergreen in your pursuit of new experiences. The Beauty of what it means to love yourself within and love the. The.

Heather [00:16:11]:

The elements of the world around you have so many different ways that they can show up, which we're going to be getting in a pretty fun way this year, which I'm excited about. But in truth, it feels like every woman has all three. And you know, I get asked all the time when people are just getting introduced to our show, the Virgin, the Beauty, and the Bitch, which one are you? And I said, baby, I'm all three. And sometimes, you know, none of them. Right. But at the heart of it, we wanted to reclaim these roles. Not to flatten women into one stereotype, but to explode them wide open. To say that she can be desirable and defiant, innocent and wild, soft and fierce, and that those dualities are just some of the, I don't know.

Heather [00:17:05]:

For me, it's like what is tapping into a bigger part of your capacities as a human to not let those words dictate who you are and how you move, but instead be a gateway to curiosity.

Christopher [00:17:26]:

Yeah, it's just about opening up a mind to what you have been told and then realizing that what you've lived might be different and actually believing what you've lived over what you've been told. What a challenge for some people. It's very, very difficult to break the mold of what you've been conditioned to behave. Like what happened to you when you were very young. Like you didn't need to go into adulthood to decipher that these things did not bind you or necessarily have to be the way you live your life.

Heather [00:18:18]:

And just for our listeners to do a little bit more of a taste of how we've explored open these words, I'll leave you with a little bit of a teaser because we do a four part series last year on each one of those words and there's so much to each one of them. So the guests we had during those weeks are remarkable, and some of the favorite work that we've done on the podcast to date was through those three series. But to just give you a teaser on the Virgin beyond what I shared already, to think of her beyond sexual status, she is the untouched self, the unclaimed identity. She belongs to no one. And there's the world ahead of her. To me, she's power becoming. She's got these eyes forward to what's possible ahead of her, and that there's a piece of her that will never be for anyone else but herself. And then Beauty.

Heather [00:19:25]:

Throughout the series, we went through the evolution of Beauty and what that's meant in the animal kingdom, what that's meant for women's access to economic security or prosperity. And what does that mean in today's world of filters and enhancements, and what has that done to a woman's sense of self and her decision-making? And then last but certainly not least, the never least, she'll never allow for that. The Bitch, you know, a personal favorite for sure. She's got boundaries. She's a truth teller. She's the one who stops apologizing for merely existing, which so many women apologize for almost everything that they do. She's the one who can say no when she's ready to say no, and she really knows her worth. But to break it open a little bit more, Christopher and I certainly recognize that there are different kinds of bitch.

Heather [00:20:31]:

And I think the one that first comes to mind for most people is the one that is the known Bitch, that is the intolerable, tolerable or insufferable woman who's unfortunately been so berated by systems and by people that being difficult is one of the only ways that she feels that she can be seen or heard or appreciated or have her wants actually moved on. But I'm just going to leave that with a bit of a teaser because what we have coming up next is some different archetypes, if we can say that the elements of the next phases are how to evolve in that boundary setting, a self-assured woman.

Christopher [00:21:20]:

Yeah, the. We had a guest early, very early on in our podcast, who spoke about the bitch in a way that I had never experienced being a man, obviously never having to live with the burden of that word in my life. And she described it as sort of an ego, an alter ego that whenever she made bad decisions or found herself getting into situations that were not safe, that part of her is the part that would protect her, keep her safe, get her out of situations that she may have fallen into and become victim to. That really opened my eyes as to what the other half of us can, you know, what's possible.

Christopher [00:22:20]:

And it's not something to be berated. It's not something to be judged in a way that is demeaning or, you know, hurtful. That part of us, of women, is so powerful. It's how you. Your perspective on it, how you see it, and how you come to learn of its powers in this world, and how you can be at the edge of that power. It's us walking through that process that is part of what it is we have planned moving forward. How to take that energy, take what has been just berated in the world, shamed, abused. Taking that energy and seeing it being applied in a way that makes you more than you ever thought you could be, and hopefully brings you closer to whatever it is your potential is. Bring you closer or even to break through whatever limits you've put on yourself, and break through those.

Christopher [00:23:36]:

So that's what it is we're working towards, and it is the identity that we're using as a symbol of moving forward in a different way. In a direction that's positive, that was once a negative.

Heather [00:24:02]:

Yeah, it truly is, as a podcast, and where we're going with what lies ahead with this as a symbol. You know, she can be a mirror, she can be a reckoning, it can be a spark to make that leap that Christopher is talking about, to truly identify the elements that are holding you back and the ways that you undermine yourself.

Christopher [00:24:32]:

Yeah. And the world undermines you by planting in your, in your early existence, what a dark and negative thing this power is, that you should keep it under wraps, that you should never let the world see the Bitch because pain will follow. Right. So it's getting a different perspective, a new perspective on that, and then being able to take advantage of what that part of you is actually there for. It's there for you to reach the highest of highs in your life, if you choose.

Heather [00:25:12]:

Well, I can't wait to share with our audience what we've got coming up. But today was just a teaser. But do look out for what lies ahead because I'm really excited about it, and already just in what Christopher and I have been doing from a creative aspect has been monumentally helpful in my own life. So I'm thrilled to be sharing it with you soon.

Christopher [00:25:40]:

Yeah, we'll start rolling this out on social media, actually pretty soon. You'll see some teasers coming up that I hope everyone will enjoy. We do, we do like to have fun with our creatives. And as far as the podcast is concerned, like we say over and over again, we just would love to hear from you. If you're listening to this show, just go to our website, virgin beautybitch.com, and you can leave us a voicemail. You can leave us a text message. We'd love to hear from you and get your feedback on what it is you hear from us. And that would, that would be very, very encouraging for both of us. Both of hers.

Heather [00:26:30]:

That's right.

Christopher [00:26:35]:

So please do that. And we will move onwards and upwards with more amazing guests as well, coming up in the next little while.

Heather [00:26:49]:

So, until you just learned a bit about us. So we'd love to hear a bit about you.

Christopher [00:26:53]:

Absolutely. Absolutely. And this has been the Virgin,

Heather [00:27:00]:

The Beauty and the Bitch.

Christopher [00:27:02]:

You're gonna find us, you're gonna like us, you're gonna share us. And why? Because it's good for you. To become a partner in the VBB community. We invite you to find us @virginbeautybitch.com, like us on Facebook, Instagram, and LinkedIn, and share us with people who are defiantly different like you.

Until next time, thanks for listening.