VBB 332 Dr. Kelly Barron - Firing Up A Menopause Revolution!

Intro [00:00:01]:

Virgin Beauty Podcast: inspiring women to overcome social stereotypes and share unique life experiences without fear of being defiantly different. Your hosts, Christopher and Heather.

Let's talk, shall we?

Christopher [00:00:20]:

One powerful sign of women capturing space in a male-centric world is evident when you look at the latest bestseller book lists, and you see words that were taboo not that long ago, titles like menopause, and the topic is also the driving theme behind popular podcasts like the KellFire show, hosted by our guest, Dr. Kelly Barron. Kelly, welcome to Virgin Beauty Bitch.

Dr. Kelly Barron [00:00:45]:

Thank you so much. Thank you guys for having me on.

Christopher [00:00:48]:

We're excited to have you. Now, this podcast, Kelly. Virgin Beauty Bitch, is literally based on taboos. So we resonate. We resonate with your podcast slogan, which reads, The KellFire show is here to shatter taboos, defy stereotypes, and empower women on their menopause journey. We reject outdated norms, provide fierce support, and help women conquer this stage of life with confidence and grace. Love it. Now, Kelly, you're a doctor, so menopause comes with your territory. But how did it become the central topic in your practice?

Dr. Kelly Barron [00:01:28]:

Well, to be very honest, I'm 54, so it became a spotlight in my own life. In my quest for answers and alternative and Western medicine approaches, I started to do research, and I started to see a lot of patients who were in this same age group and had the very same questions. And there wasn't a lot out there that really addressed it. And if we did address it, we didn't want to really dig too much. We didn't want to bring up certain subjects. We felt shameful, or that we weren't heard.

Dr. Kelly Barron [00:02:09]:

So I wanted that to be changed. And, I think, like we were talking, Chris, I think that is happening as a whole. It's becoming a movement, if you will. But still, we've got a lot of work to do just in our own minds.

Christopher [00:02:25]:

Speaking of minds, what have you seen shift in the mindset at that point in a woman's life? Because it used to be that nobody talked about it.

Dr. Kelly Barron [00:02:35]:

Right. I thoroughly believe that if you look at women and our lifespan and the roles that we play, because we change roles several times in our lives, we're constantly transforming. So, you know, we're in puberty, and we were not in the childbearing years then. We're in our childbearing years. And it used to be you go from your childbearing years into your crone, if you will, or your wise woman years. Technology and modern medicine have extended our lifespans, and so now we're seeing women who are coming out in their mid-40s and mid-50s. They would have typically immediately transitioned into the grandma role.

Dr. Kelly Barron [00:03:17]:

Their kids left the nest. Those children would have their, would have babies soon in their 20s, and we just immediately go into grandma mode. So we would always be caretakers. Now, there's this gap in the age group where our kids are; they're either off to college or out. And nobody's having babies yet, not till, you know, their 30s. And so women have this chunk of time, and it really can put a lot of women in a deer-in-the-headlights situation because they don't know what their purpose is anymore. They're not taking care of the kids. There's nobody little to take care of.

Dr. Kelly Barron [00:03:54]:

And it's just themselves, and maybe themselves and their partner. They just feel useless. And at the same time, their biological purpose is winding down. So this era now, they're calling it, it's got a few names. I love the wild woman stage because now that we're here, we can focus on ourselves. We do not have to wear the polyester pull-ups, the tracksuits, and new orthotic sneakers. We can get right back into that little black dress and stilettos. And we don't have to get home at any particular time because there are no children to relieve the babysitter for.

Dr. Kelly Barron [00:04:32]:

So we can really focus on ourselves, our minds, our bodies, and this is like it ends. You're pretty much getting to the point where you don't have to worry about becoming pregnant and things like that, so you can just go have a grand old time.

Heather [00:04:51]:

Oh my gosh, the wild women era. I love that so very much for that phase. And I think that, yeah, I mean, like, it's been bound by all of these, you know, very negative connotations for far too long where I'm seeing more and more women, just as you're saying, seeing this as a huge opportunity to be footloose and fancy-free about what they want to do with their own time at their own pace, or maybe even rediscover parts of themselves that they had to, you know, divert not as much attention to and when caring for other littler beings. So how would you like to share with our listeners who may be entering their late 40s or 50s, who are worried about, you know, empty nest syndrome, to make the change of, you know, what are these? What are these? What is this chapter or period of my life gonna be like?

Dr. Kelly Barron [00:05:51]:

I would say this. Our mothers and our grandmothers never prepared us for what an empty nest and empty nest syndrome would be. And that's probably the biggest issue that I see with women is depression. You know, we talk about postpartum depression, but we don't talk about empty nest syndrome nearly as much. So I would tell women, it's unfortunate, but you need to prepare yourself well in advance.

Dr. Kelly Barron [00:06:19]:

So, you need to start looking at that big picture. Like you said, what is my life going to look like? What hobbies can I start bringing into my life? Where am I going to put my focus? Are there different areas in my job that I can look at that I want to kind of, you know, dive into, but just start preparing that? I mean, to be honest, it's gonna hurt like hell. It is gonna hurt. When that last child flies off and doesn't need you nearly as much, it's gonna hurt. So you have to be prepared. If you're not, a lot of women will spiral, and they won't know what to do with themselves. They may, you know, turn to food, and they may stop exercising. You know, things along the lines of depression can happen, and they are real. So I want women to know that this, to look forward to this, even though it's scary, to not have that purpose of caregiving, but this is your rebirth.

Dr. Kelly Barron [00:07:12]:

This, this is not, you know, we're winding life down now. Shops closed, we're done! We don't have a reason to be here. We actually were in the middle of a rebirth, and we should embrace it just as we did in our 20s when we were coming out of our teens, and we were like, oh, we're in our 20s. Like, this is the best time in the world. Well, here we are; we're back in the 20s. Chapter two, we're reliving it.

Heather [00:07:35]:

I love how you phrase that because, to me, it's a calling. Like, you've said that in some ways, kind of shakes so much of what, you know, traditional values has painted our quote, unquote purpose, which kind of makes me cringe a little bit and throw up in my mouth a little bit, where, you know, a woman's body is no longer oriented in itself to be serving, to be providing care. Since you know, we're not making babies, we're not in the cycling, you know, through those different phases of our hormonal cycles. Um, we are actually having that time to stop, to stop apologizing, claim up space, and try new things that maybe you haven't done before. So I love that you've said that. It's a rebirth period because I'm seeing so many women in their 50s saying what? Like really, what does this next, you know, I've done 50 years if I'm lucky enough to have another 50 ahead of me, what am I doing with those next? That next half of life?

Dr. Kelly Barron [00:08:45]:

I agree, and a big chunk, too, is because we look at ourselves and we say, oh, well, we no longer serve the purpose of childbearing. And then you have the hormone fluctuation. So, some physical things that are going on. Women start to either feel less sexy or just not sexy at all. And that infiltrates every part of their lives, especially with their partner, but also in their own self-image and how they approach things. Confidence starts to go away. You know, they start turning inward versus turning outward. One of the best things that I ever did was that I just wanted to try something new.

Dr. Kelly Barron [00:09:24]:

And I wanted to. I was like, I'm not dead. Like, I've got a lot left to give. So I went and found a pole fitness studio and, lo and behold, pole fitness classes. There are all age groups, but there are a lot of women in my age group. And we've got battle scars. We're fighting injuries left and right. Hormones are going everywhere.

Dr. Kelly Barron [00:09:48]:

But they're all there for that same purpose, which is to try to feel sexy, to bring that out in us, to reclaim who we were. But not the version we were to reclaim the girl, but a better version of her, a new version. So I think that right there, like talking about, when you want to talk about taboos, getting into that sexual end of it, that side, that being that still lives inside you.

Christopher [00:10:17]:

So I'm hearing a lot about the mental and emotional aspects of that period. What's going on physically that women need to maybe not believe as far as old talk about menopause.

Dr. Kelly Barron [00:10:35]:

So, if you look at it from the standpoint of a rebirth or a transformation, like I said in the beginning, your body, there was a biological process that it was meant to do. Your body has to physically shut that whole process down. So, imagine you're shutting down a manufacturing plant; there are things that happen. That's why the hormones fluctuate. But within that, you know, it becomes new purposes, new processes. Hormones change, organs change. Everything starts to adapt to, okay, this is your new, you know, your new body, if you will say so.

Dr. Kelly Barron [00:11:13]:

There's growth. Change is always uncomfortable. It's the same thing physically. Like, your body will have to go through some uncomfortable symptoms as it's transforming and changing. But there are so many ways to deal with those. And instead of looking at all these things that are happening to you as symptoms and, you know, hot flashes and night sweats and, oh, this is my rage and my hormones. This is terrible.

Dr. Kelly Barron [00:11:41]:

You just start dealing with it. You find ways to deal with it, whether that's, you know, hormone replacement, therapy, yoga, diet and exercise, a combination of those. But instead of dealing with this symptom as a problem, you just take care of it, and you keep moving on, you keep moving forward. You might not find the right combo of things at first, but eventually you will.

Heather [00:12:05]:

I appreciate what you're saying there because I think that so much of how we paint menopause from a medical standpoint is that these hot flashes, weight gain, mood swings, our symptoms to manage rather than perhaps signals that our bodies are trying to say to us that things are changing and it's okay to tune in, to recalibrate, to listen to your body. For how many years has your body been responding to the needs of other people? Now your body is kind of demanding; guess what, you're going to put me first because I'm going to demand it at this moment because I am flipping hot right now. And so that's going to take some attention. So, you know, it almost feels like a signal that the body is saying it is a good time to focus on you.

Dr. Kelly Barron [00:12:56]:

And if you look at pregnancy, I try to tell women this all the time. Is that ever a comfortable experience? Absolutely not. You're sweating; you're getting huge. You're, you're, you're swelling up, you're swollen. I mean, it's so uncomfortable. There are so many symptoms with pregnancy, but because we're bringing a child into the world, we view all that with a very positive and upbeat, you know, thought process in our minds. Like, yes, this is the worst, most uncomfortable thing. Labor is not fun. But that's okay because there's going to be this little prize at the end that I created.

Dr. Kelly Barron [00:13:26]:

Well, menopause is uncomfortable, and similar symptoms do happen, but you're rebirthing yourself. But we look at it negatively because we go, well, what's the prize at the end of this? All these symptoms, when they finally get under control, postmenopausal, what's the prize? Well, you are the prize. You, your new life. Centering in on yourself, taking time for yourself. That's the prize.

Christopher [00:13:57]:

I mean, that's something that we talk about on this show all the time; it's making yourself the prize and not feeling shame or guilt about it. That is a burden that women carry, all for those 50 or 45 years leading up to that moment. To make that switch in understanding and viewing yourself in a different way, and putting you first, becomes very difficult, does it not?

Dr. Kelly Barron [00:14:22]:

Oh, it's extremely difficult. It's not how we're wired. We're wired not to think of ourselves, to put ourselves first, to take care of ourselves. We're wired to take care of everyone else. So when we do finally look inward and say, you know what, I'm gonna work on myself, I'm gonna spend time, I'm gonna spend some money on myself, I'm going to, you know, I'm going to dress in, in that little cocktail outfit and the heels and yes, there's so many people that are going to look at it and say, oh, you're in your 50s and it's totally inappropriate.

Dr. Kelly Barron [00:14:51]:

Well, you know, it's not about them, and it's about, it's about us. And it's about loving ourselves and cherishing ourselves and bringing out the best in ourselves versus, you know, just succumbing to what society in the past has told us we're supposed to do when we reach this age.

Heather [00:15:14]:

There's a quote that I saw saying, you know, things that you should never wear after 50 as a woman. And the end of the caption is other people's expectations of what you should and shouldn't wear.

Dr. Kelly Barron [00:15:28]:

Exactly. Absolutely. Exactly. I have three boys, 21, 23, and 25. I thought, you know, for a long time, and this happens to many, many, many women, you think, will my child approve of this outfit? Will my child, you know, will he be ashamed? Especially boys. Well, you know what? Daughters are pretty bad, too; they'll rip the mom apart.

Dr. Kelly Barron [00:15:52]:

But you think about that. I just happened to have this attitude and carry it with me, that I didn't care. And because of that, because I said, you know, this is who I am and nobody's going to change me. And my children actually think that that's, they'll even laugh at me. They're like, you wear an ad out, you look like you're about to go to the grocery store. What are you doing?

Heather [00:16:17]:

Good on you for putting that out there, though.

Dr. Kelly Barron [00:16:20]:

Yeah.

Heather [00:16:21]:

Can you tell us about Tempesta, what it is, and why you built it?

Dr. Kelly Barron [00:16:27]:

So Tempesta came out of this idea. I was working with a lot of women in my practice, and the age was coming around now where women were dealing with, you know, not only just physical, everyday stuff that we go and see a chiropractor for, but now the hormones were coming into play, mental aspects were coming in. And, you know, I could see, wow, these women aren't getting enough information or they feel like they're not being heard by their regular doctors. So I went and got certified as a menopause specialist and did all the things you need to do to learn hormones. And both sides. Not just like chiropractic, which is very alternative, somewhat Eastern medicine. I wanted to know all of it because I want every woman to have every choice and have all the tools at their disposal to make the best decision for them.

Dr. Kelly Barron [00:17:26]:

And I started to think, I want to reach more women. And a lot of women were telling me they're really ashamed to go into the Doctor's office and talk to their doctors, or they feel like they only get five minutes with their doctors. So I thought, well, why don't we take this online? Why don't we go to a telehealth platform, and why don't we give as many options as we can to these women, let them know they're supported and they don't have to be ashamed, and there's no judgment. So we started Tempesta, which is the Italian word for storm, for tempest. And that's kind of what menopause is. And we have now. So you can go online, and you can have a telehealth visit with a doctor if you need prescription medication for menopause symptoms. Or we have a supplement line that I curated, if you want to support that, or you just want to go that route.

Dr. Kelly Barron [00:18:15]:

And we have fitness and nutrition guidance because that is very, very important at this stage. It's so overlooked as a key to helping with these symptoms. And then I do a lot of mindset coaching. As you can tell, I have this; I want to bring this fire to women. So we started this company, and we are in our seventh or eighth month of being up and running, and I love every second of it.

Christopher [00:18:46]:

Yet what has been. Were you surprised at the reaction or how people have connected to it, or are you? Where are you with that process that's so new?

Dr. Kelly Barron [00:18:58]:

Well, I'll tell you, I started the podcast as well to sort of give women a voice to tell their stories and to bring on some folks who could be experts in certain little aspects of it. And that podcast started. I have a fear of public speaking. I have hated it my entire life, just sweating and drenched. But I was sitting talking with a few women who weren't close to me, and I happened to say one thing about I kind of joked around about night sweats, and topic just erupted. And these women just started sharing their stories. What surprised me is how many people are experiencing the same things and are not talking about it, and they're not reaching out.

Dr. Kelly Barron [00:19:46]:

So that was the biggest, most surprising thing: how quiet everyone is about it, but when you tap into it within, like a support situation, women will just talk endlessly about it. They're in there and excited. They're like, oh, finally I can. I felt so ashamed. I didn't want to talk about this thing. Like low sex drive, things like that. I didn't want to talk about it. What can I do about it? And that really surprised me and only just fueled me on.

Heather [00:20:13]:

It sounds like those conversations have been very raw, unstoppable, wild, and cleansing.

Dr. Kelly Barron [00:20:22]:

Very.

Heather [00:20:26]:

Oh, yeah. But that's what I think is really so fantastic about what you've created, is that you've almost got rage and ritual coming together to create a space for women to like that. You like that.

Dr. Kelly Barron [00:20:40]:

I feel like rage and ritual. I really like that.

Heather [00:20:44]:

That's definitely what I feel from what you've started. So a huge congratulations for getting that off the ground and what you're continuing to see come of that.

Dr. Kelly Barron [00:20:54]:

Thank you.

Christopher [00:20:55]:

Yeah, that's. I mean, Heather and I created this platform so we could talk about the taboo topics, and you've focused on one specific one. But it's about giving women an opportunity to express something that's been suppressed for so long. And as you found out yourself as a woman, that other women actually want to talk about this.

Dr. Kelly Barron [00:21:17]:

They do. They really do. And the platform that you guys give them, I mean, it's amazing because they can. And they can feel good about it, and they can feel supported when they're talking to you. It's. It's. It's amazing.

Heather [00:21:33]:

So, Kelly, can you give it to us straight that if there are women out there right now, they're going through this phase, what's the suggestion that you have for them when perhaps they're feeling very, you know, low or. Or sad or moving through things, what's something that they can stop doing, you know, in order to embrace this new chapter?

Dr. Kelly Barron [00:21:58]:

Two things. Stop the negative talk. Just. Just stop it. Take a piece of paper, write down all the things you've accomplished, all the things that you think are good about yourself, then reread that, and you're going to be amazed. You're going to look and go; I'm a rock star. How did you know? I. Wow. I had kids. I did this, I did that. Like, look at all the things I've done in my life. But stop the negative self-talk like that. It has to go away. And that's hard to do. It's very hard to do.

Dr. Kelly Barron [00:22:15]:

And then the second thing, and I think this is huge, find a support group, whether that's a friend, a sister, whether it's coming on your podcast to tell the story, get you, get it out of your body, let your mouth speak it, because as soon as you do that, it's just going to come pouring out and you're going to find out that you are not alone, that people are going through the exact same thing and that it's absolutely okay.

Heather [00:22:52]:

Those are really great reminders. And I would also love to continue that conversation with what something they can start doing.

Dr. Kelly Barron [00:23:03]:

Well, I would say find something. I'd even go, for me, I'd go as far as to say find something that is a little scary or uncomfortable for you, and just do it because you're gonna feel, if you follow through, you're gonna feel so great. And then again, you're gonna be like, I'm cool. Look what I just did. Either find something that you really enjoy and haven't taken up, or haven't spent enough time in it, and pursue it, or do something that's so far out of your comfort zone and just go for it. Because you're going to fail a million times in life, and that's normal. And one time, you're going to succeed. So whether you succeed or fail, it's all part of your journey.

Heather [00:23:46]:

I love that. I think that's a good segue into one of the questions that we enjoy asking our guests. Is there one of the names in our title that you have, like a relationship with or a story that comes up for you? A reaction of the Virgin, the Beauty, and the Bitch.

Dr. Kelly Barron [00:24:04]:

I took a long time to think about this one because the obvious one would have been to go with bitch. It would have just flowed with the theme. And I thought, but no, no, it didn't resonate enough with me. Virgin resonated with me. And the reason that it did is because, I mean, typically, virgin means someone who's inexperienced or hasn't experienced something. But to me, it's not about this untouched innocence. It's more about untouched potential. And so this goes with the transforming several times through your life; you're going to end up being a virgin at a particular stage of your life, two to three to four times.

Dr. Kelly Barron [00:24:46]:

And it's this potential that's inside of you. And again, getting uncomfortable with something, getting uncomfortable being comfortable, putting yourself in that position. And so I. I think there's this beauty and this radiance that you can be 54, 64, 35, and be considered a virgin because there are these raw, just unexplored, untapped things you haven't done. Layers to you that if you don't let society dictate that name like you're a virgin, just. Just do it. Just go explore it. It makes you feel young.

Dr. Kelly Barron [00:25:23]:

And that's why I chose that word, because I think every woman has this in her, in some form or fashion, she has something inside of her and in the mindset, it, you know, come on, you're not the old lady anymore. Now you're the virgin. It's kind of sexy.

Christopher [00:25:41]:

We cannot say how much we appreciate your perspective on this. I mean, when Heather and I first chose these words, they were just really cool words, really provocative, cool words. Over time, messages like the one you just expressed are what these words have brought to us, and they have become the driving force behind what they used to mean and what they can mean. And you've just expressed what they can mean. And it's endless. It is absolutely endless. So thank you for, first, not going with that first instinct, but really thinking through what it is these words mean and then drawing out that meaning in such an eloquent way.

Christopher [00:26:27]:

Thank you so much for taking the time to do that for us, because we want women and men to understand these words beyond just the facade that they carry. And we really appreciate when someone is able to really think behind the wall. Thank you.

Dr. Kelly Barron [00:26:52]:

Oh, you're welcome. It was. It was thought-provoking, like I said, I stared at those for a while, and I thought, wow, there are so many ways you can go with these words. So I appreciated that question, actually.

Christopher [00:27:07]:

Fantastic. Thank you so much. Thank you.

Heather [00:27:09]:

Yeah. Well, I. Yeah. Everything you've shared, Doctor, has been really illuminating and, you know, for every woman out there, so many different chapters of our lives. So to really reshape, I feel like what you do with your work, Doctor, not only changes the narrative on menopause, but you're torching the entire former script. And we're making it hot.

Dr. Kelly Barron [00:27:35]:

Yeah. Yes, we are. I'm getting. I'm getting the tote bag. Rage and ritual. I'm getting that tote bag.

Heather [00:27:41]:

I love it. I want to get it, too. Sign me up, girl. I am there.

Christopher [00:27:47]:

So how do women, now that we've, you know, piqued their interest? How do they connect? How do they take advantage of what it is you have to offer?

Dr. Kelly Barron [00:27:57]:

Our website is mytempesta.com, but you can find us on social media. We have my Instagram, it's my Tempesta, my personal social media that I try, I mean, I think I'm funny, but I don't know if I'm truly funny, but I put a lot of stuff out there, and it's open, it's I am Kelfire. Those are two really good ways. The KellFire show is also on Instagram. So, you can find us on social media, and through that, you know how it goes. You'll find all the places where you can find us.

Christopher [00:28:31]:

Thank you so much. It's been a really, for me, you know, standing on the outside looking in. It's always enlightening to hear the other side of the human experience. It's. For me, it's enlightening. And I really appreciate your freedom to talk about it in such a way that is so encouraging and helpful for others. We appreciate you doing that.

Dr. Kelly Barron [00:28:57]:

Thank you. And thank you guys for giving me a platform to talk today, because it was great and it's much needed for women.

Christopher [00:29:07]:

Agree.

Heather [00:29:08]:

Agreed.

Christopher [00:29:09]:

And you have been listening to...

Heather [00:29:11]:

The Virgin who is ever anew.

Christopher [00:29:14]:

The beauty

Heather

and the Bitch

Christopher [00:29:15]:

who will tempt you first. But consider the others.

Find us. Like us. Share us, and bring your friends. Come on back.

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Until next time, thanks for listening.