Excerpts from a Conversation with Psychologist, relationship expert and author of “The relationship code – Ten secrets to a successful relationship” – Heron Free.
The ability to master relationship is the ultimate life hack. In relationships you’ve got two separate beings, two completely different realities coming together trying to synchronize, and on top of that people are changing all the time. Getting good at mastering relationship is really the art of mastering your life.
I see relationships as versions 1.0 and 2.0. Relationship 1.0 is very goal based. It’s our parents getting married to raise a family, that was the goal. However, once the goal is achieved it’s I’m not really in synch with my partner and now what am I supposed to do. That’s when relationship 2.0 kicks in, people become less goal based and more connection based. People want to connect, be more transparent, feel love and share their souls with their partner. We’ve upgraded what we want in relationships; this has contributed to the high rate of divorce we see today.
Often in working with couples, there’s usually one partner who is holding more of the individual or masculine energy, and one who is holding more of the relationship or feminine energy. The goal is often to educate them that they both need to be holding both energies at the same time. The mind being more individualistic and the heart being more holistic creates a nice synergy around how relationships can work and make the individual a complete human being.
For young people, what’s been happening with social media and television is a real emphasis being placed on separation and individualization. In some ways we are being dialled into not so much a self love, but more an ego identity love. The problem with that model of love is that it’s very much me against you. If you look at self-love, which is more of a feminine energy, it’s more about I’m super happy and in love and I want you to be super happy and in love. It’s about abundance because there is no separation.
The evolution of relationship is a letting go of roles as priorities and moving more into heart relationships — who am I, what’s going on, what is my soul telling me to do. So there’s a letting go of what traditional male and female or feminine and masculine roles are supposed to be and more doing what feels comfortable in the moment. It’s a letting go of traditional roles and going into an ease and flow. To get into that ease and flow means letting go of your identity. Letting go of how things should be, of what is right and what is wrong.
Hear more than you bargained for by clicking on the podcast episode “The Relationship Code”.