#45 The Philosopher Queen

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“If a child is misbehaving we don’t hesitate to put them in a timeout, so why can’t we do that with a friend?” 7 Virtues CEO, Barb Stegemann.

It’s kinda crazy but if you had a child that was misbehaving you wouldn’t hesitate to put them in a corner, you would have no problem saying take a timeout.  So why can’t you do that with a friend?  Why can’t you say to a friend, you are not nice to me, and it hurts, and to protect my joy I’m going to take a break from you, take a timeout, why not?  

Maybe the break will lead to a great conversation, maybe it will lead to a nice break.  I removed my sister from my life for two years and I was very, very strict about it.  The main thing is that when you remove someone from your life to protect your own joy you have to be clear about it and then get on with your life.  You can’t be moaning about it and wasting time thinking about it, just do it clean like ripping off a band-aid.  

However, and this important, when that person is ready to love you the way you deserve to be loved you must welcome them back.  That’s the other part of the hard stuff is that as hard as it is removing someone you care about from your life, if they’re actually going to learn and they realize that ok I've misbehaved, but I’m a good person, then you’ve got to embrace them, love them and take them back, like a child after a timeout.

That’s what I did with my sister and we’ve never been closer, I absolutely adore and worship her.  I’m so proud of her; that break was really good for us.  She got healthy and strong and so did I.  

I absolutely recommend time out with people.  Some will be friend-enemy who just take pleasure in your pain, and I don’t understand that I don’t know why, I don’t get it, but those people have to be removed forever.  If someone is not willing to come back and be gracious and kind and support you then that’s the end.   Unfortunately, I find that the friends who turn out to be the bad ones are the friends also are the most fun.  It’s boring without them but you just have to do it, just let them go.

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Chris Kennedy