#15 Beauty, Outside the Box!

"I will never be a typical, normal or well-behaved woman.  I grew up as a different child, a loser, alone, bullied and unable to fit in.   So what if I like to break societies conventional idea of rules?  I’ve never done well in constraints."

This was the opening salvo in a conversation we had with a Super Model and Miss Universe participant who also had this to say about that:

Pageantry is a very slippery slope.  You are competing using “all” aspects of your life.  What gives the whole thing a bad rep,  it's solely based on looks.  When a girl with deep rooted insecurity issues gets in needing to prove she’s pretty or that she’s enough, she can never win.  I know girls who’ve been training since they were 12 years old, and when they don’t win it’sdevastating.  If you are attached to the outcome then losing in a pageant contest can make people worse off than when they entered.  It’s a topic that’s not talked about but there are so many girls who end up going into hiding afterward a pageant is over because they end up feeling so bad about themselves. 

What it actually comes down to is intention and mindset.  For me, it was to grow as a person, to gain more authentic confidence, to have a platform for what I want to say, and to better the lives of those around me.  Confidence doesn’t come from external looks, it comes from what you believe about yourself. It comes from internal factors.  I was bullied when I was young, I had no confidence, but confidence is a science, it’s an art and knowing this has allowed me to flourish.  I’ve become a very secure, truly authentic, and a more confident person.  

Anyone can do things to make themselves more confident.  For example, if you know you’re going to feel bad about doing something then don’t do it.  Don’t look at yourself in the morning and be I don’t like this about myself or I don’t like that.  Look in the mirror and tell yourself, even if at first you don’t believe it, that you’re so beautiful, you’re so amazing, you’re powerful and that you’re a good person.  You have to boost yourself up because you are the only one that is in control of what you believe about yourself.

Things got even livelier when we started to discuss the opposite sex from the perspective of Robert Green's book, The Art of Seduction.

Some people call it the Art of Seduction, I call it the Art of Empowerment.  One thing that was a big paradigm shift for me was realizing that men and women are two completely different species.  Women are crying over a breakup whereas the man just goes to the bar and picks up a new chick.  For men, it’s easier, whereas for women they can feel like their lives have been shattered. My personal experience is that I find a lot of men in society are not cautious with female emotions so it’s really easy for women to get hurt. That’s happened to me several times in the past.  I always felt like I invested more into the relationship and if his interest is lost then I'm powerless. Investing in the relationship to me was falling too soon and doing everything for the person, being available all the time.  It’s a position where women lose power in the relationship and the man controls it.  I just got so sick of that cycle.

What I did was start studying male and female dynamics.  How to empower myself so I'm not attached to the outcome.  So I ventured off to learn how to become a stronger version of myself in a relationship.  That’s what seduction is to me, it’s being able to enter into a partnership and work on how to grow together without me losing power and control.  Not that I have to be the one with all the power and control, but shared power and control.   

There are a lot of books for men on how to pick up women and how to play women and in that scenario women and the ones who end up getting hurt.  So for me, this book was about how do I empower myself and use some of those same techniques to protect myself.  It’s true that a majority of men like a challenge, they don’t want someone who is clingy emotionally, mentally and physically.  They want that chase, they want that prize that nobody else can have, the unicorn.  Personally, I’ve found success in making a guy feel comfortable, but keeping him on his toes.  Men are attracted to an independent, successful, confident woman.  Women are very powerful but do we harness that power?

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Chris Kennedy